Saturday, September 4, 2010

Unicorns as Food

Unicorns are essentially just goats or horses with a horn on its head. Both of these animals can be used as both a food source and a means to make other things (such as gelatin, glue, etc.). Why would someone think that an animal so low on the food chain is awesome and more powerful than a zombie? Humans may have started low on the food chain, but we have surpassed pretty much all animals with the use of technology and superior intelligence. Even animals with no natural predators are preyed upon by us. But zombies surpass humans in every way. They are tireless, vigilant, and absolutely unstoppable. And seriously, who would want to eat a zombie? They smell horrible and are WAY past their expiration date. Here is the food chain as it stands including zombies. (Note that unicorns are included in the animal section.)

The fine print reads:
"A food chain is a way of depicting the flow of energy from one organism to the next and to the next and so on. The specific diagram presented here shows the biomass transfer from the lowest tier of the chain (flora) to the highest (evil reanimated corpses from beyond the grave).

There was once a time when Man stood proudly at the top of the food chain. That time has passed. Now, fuelled by a black and terrible desire for brains, Zombiekind has consolidated its power and cemented its supremacy.

Surely, this is a bleak time for humanity. Our days are numbered. Fortunately, they are also charted and graphically presented for ease of reference."

Canned Unicorn Meat has also been made more readily available by ThinkGeek. The website features a fabulous recipe for Savory Unicorn and Heirloom Tomato Bruchetta. Mmmmm! Unicorn reportedly tastes like rotisserie chicken with a hint of marshmallow sweetness.

And lastly, pop singer Lady Gaga was immortalized in a painting partaking in unicorn meat.

And she features her love for zombies in this awesome song. Team Zombie FTW!!!

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **
** The Lady Gaga painting was created by Rose Briccetti. **


Sullivan McPig said...

Another great post celebrating the greatness of zombies and showing unicorns for what they truely are.

Kulsuma said...

eating unicorns or drinking unicorn blood results in becoming CURSED!

hasn't anyone read Harry Potter? Voldemort did it and look at what happened to him.

(team unicorn ftw)

as a side note, that's unicorn meat? How unappetizing.

Lexie said...

I sent that picture to a friend of mine (who loves Unicorns) and she freaked out. I want to say I felt bad, but I do that so often I can't. I look for new ways to freak out Unicorn lovers as often as possible!

Though Lady Gaga makes me think twice about my choices...


Mary Ann said...

"WAY past the expiration date"! I loved that :D
Terrific post, and just another nail in the ol' coffin for those silly unicorns.
BTW - I'm with Lexie on the whole Lady Gaga thing ... hmmmm

Misty said...

Funny. I love the top chart, esp. "giggles" and "surprises". Good stuff.

Though I think Kulsuma has a point...

Giada M said...

Kulsuma is right. Unicorn meat (or blood) is not healthy! :P