Ascendant

Astrid Llewelyn is a reluctant unicorn hunter. There aren't very many due to the fact that only descendants of Alexander the Great that are virgins are eligible for the task. Recruitment has been slow since many potential hunters make themselves ineligible for the job to avoid the danger that is being advertised in the news, mostly by Astrid's attention seeking mother. Astrid lives in a nunnery in Italy with her fellow hunters. She would rather be in a lab, trying to find a way to replicate the Remedy, a powerful cure for poisons and sickness. An opportunity arrises for her to continue her education when Gordian Pharmaceuticals, now led by Isabeau Jaeger, offers her a position guarding a herd of einhorns as well as tutoring, new clothes, a room in a mansion, and a way out of putting her life in danger every day. She accepts the job, but it's not as easy as it seems. Her ex-boyfriend, Brandt, is around her all the time, distracting her from Giovanni, her boyfriend going to school in New York. She also finds that her work with the einhorns isn't so easy when experiments are done on them as she grows to know and like them. Should she walk away and not be involved with the torture of these animals? Is it any different from killing them like she's been doing?

I was afraid that Ascendant would be a lackluster sequel to Rampant because the first book was so dynamic and compelling that maybe it was too hard to follow up with something better. I was pleasantly surprised and proven to be wrong. Ascendant turned out to be almost as good as the first. It has much more moral complexity than the first book. On one hand, unicorns are violent, wild animals that attack and kill humans. Unicorn hunters are people's only protection. On the other hand, unicorns are an endangered species and, as with all animals, they are aggressive because they feel threatened. There is also the added issue of animal testing and at what point is it considered unnecessary torture.

The first book pretty much stayed in Italy and the cloister where Astrid lives. This book widens that view to other countries and gives a nice look at how killer unicorns are effecting the rest of the world. Instead of being mocked or ignored, the hunters are finally being taken seriously after people witness the devastation that can happen when the creatures go unchecked. I also like the change of scenery to France with Gordian Pharmaceuticals.

Astrid is an excellent, strong female protagonist. Even though she makes mistakes that sometimes end up hurting her friends, she is still a sympathetic and relatable character. Although she is physically strong, she is also intelligent and has ambitions beyond slaying unicorns. One of my favorite things about her is that even though she's a peaceful person, she feels that it's her obligation to stay a hunter and fight to save human lives. It's easy to choose the selfish route, but Astrid stays a hunter despite her doubts. After reading books like Hush, Hush, Fallen, and Nightshade, it's refreshing to read a book about a girl who isn't defined by her relationship with a man and doesn't let men overpower her.

The pacing of the first half is a bit slow, with a lot of Astrid's angsty internal struggle to figure out who to trust and what is right and wrong. It was still enjoyable to read, but it went on a little bit too long for me. About three quarters through the book, a bombshell is dropped that really shocked me. After that I devoured the rest of the book quickly and I'm eager to read more. I've heard that a third book isn't planned at the moment, but I really really hope that another one gets written soon because I need to know what happens next. I highly recommend this series to anyone.

My rating: 4.5/5 fishmuffins

Robot Unicorn Attack

When I think of [adult swim], I think of their TV shows like Robot Chicken or Family Guy. But on their website, they have bunches of super awesome flash games, like the various version of 5 Minutes to Kill Yourself and Robot Unicorn Attack. Robot Unicorn Attack is one of the weirdest games I've encountered on the web. It features a robot unicorn that you have to guide over treacherous terrain of purple topped cliffs using only 2 buttons. The Z button is used to jump or double jump to stop from falling off of a cliff and reaching the higher cliff that comes next. The X button is used to dash through star shaped boulders so you aren't smashed into a million pieces against it. The game is continuous and goes until you eventually die. Each time you play, you get three chances to go as far as possible and collect as many points as you can. Points can be earned by catching the robotic fairies that float around, dashing through the star shaped boulders, and going the furthest distance. You can't see the where the next boulder, dip, or hill is going to be, so you fingers have to be fast or you will die a fiery horrible death.

The purple landscape and the clouds and rainbows in the sky give the game a bubblegummy, sugary sweet feel, as expected with anything involving unicorns. A rainbow even forms from the tail of the unicorn when it jumps from cliff to cliff. When you do really well and catch all the fairies and blast through all the boulders, robotic dolphins will start to leap from the bottom of the screen and follow you as you go. As you keep up the good work, more and more dolphins will join in. The game is so addictive and fun, but I really can't say why. It could be the song "Always" by Erasure plays on a loop while you try to survive. This song is serious perfect for the feel of the game. I seriously thought it was made as a mock late 80's fantasy song from a movie like The Last Unicorn. I was shocked to find out it's an actual song. Here's the cheesetastic video:

I think the real reason why I like this game is because no matter how good you are or how far you get in the game, the robot unicorn always dies and this screen will be the inevitable end.

That's why this game is decisively Team Zombie.

My rating: 8/10 fishmuffins

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

Unicorns as Food

Unicorns are essentially just goats or horses with a horn on its head. Both of these animals can be used as both a food source and a means to make other things (such as gelatin, glue, etc.). Why would someone think that an animal so low on the food chain is awesome and more powerful than a zombie? Humans may have started low on the food chain, but we have surpassed pretty much all animals with the use of technology and superior intelligence. Even animals with no natural predators are preyed upon by us. But zombies surpass humans in every way. They are tireless, vigilant, and absolutely unstoppable. And seriously, who would want to eat a zombie? They smell horrible and are WAY past their expiration date. Here is the food chain as it stands including zombies. (Note that unicorns are included in the animal section.)

The fine print reads:

"A food chain is a way of depicting the flow of energy from one organism to the next and to the next and so on. The specific diagram presented here shows the biomass transfer from the lowest tier of the chain (flora) to the highest (evil reanimated corpses from beyond the grave).

There was once a time when Man stood proudly at the top of the food chain. That time has passed. Now, fuelled by a black and terrible desire for brains, Zombiekind has consolidated its power and cemented its supremacy.

Surely, this is a bleak time for humanity. Our days are numbered. Fortunately, they are also charted and graphically presented for ease of reference."

Canned Unicorn Meat has also been made more readily available by ThinkGeek. The website features a fabulous recipe for Savory Unicorn and Heirloom Tomato Bruchetta. Mmmmm! Unicorn reportedly tastes like rotisserie chicken with a hint of marshmallow sweetness.

And lastly, pop singer Lady Gaga was immortalized in a painting partaking in unicorn meat.

And she features her love for zombies in this awesome song. Team Zombie FTW!!!

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

** The Lady Gaga painting was created by Rose Briccetti. **

Rampant

Astrid Llewelyn grew up being afraid of unicorns because of her crazy mother’s rantings of venomous, fanged, and violent unicorns that existed in real life. As a teenager, Astrid dismisses her mother’s stories as just a weird obsession and tries to lead a normal life. Her normal life comes crashing down when a small unicorn gores her boyfriend, Brandt. Unicorns are re-emerging everywhere and attacking innocent bystanders. Astrid’s whole life is taken away and she has to live up to her heritage as a unicorn hunter. Her mother sends her to Italy to train and hone her skills to have a better chance against the new wave of unicorns. Astrid has no choice but to go, since she’s a minor, but she doesn’t know if she wants to do this with her life or even if the unicorns should be forced into extinction. Can she even afford to think about these things when she and a handful of inexperienced girls are being constantly attacked by deadly unicorns?

When I first heard about a book about killer unicorns, I literally laughed out loud. It just seemed really silly and cheesy to me. Based on the summary on the flap, it looked like my initial description wasn’t too off the mark because it seemed that Astrid was an empty-headed valley girl who cared more about going to the prom than about her boyfriend who was just seriously injured by a wild animal. Needless to say, I wasn’t expecting much when I started Rampant. I was completely wrong and these things are really the only things I didn’t like about the book, none of which is about the actual story. Rampant turned out to be one of the best young adult novels I’ve read all year.

Diana Peterfreund is an excellent writer, choosing a strange, but undeniably unique premise and immersing the reader in her world. Astrid is a compelling character who transitions from normal teenager to strong, confident warrior throughout the course of the novel. Although her unicorn killing abilities border on mythical, her problems beyond unicorns are ones that many teenagers face. She is forced to pursue a path as a unicorn slayer only because her mother wants her to and, as a teenager, she really has no say in the matter. At first, Astrid frantically looks for ways to get out of it, just as any person would, but eventually comes accept that there are a limited number of people that can combat against these dangerous unicorns. To abandon the other hunters would be dangerous not only to them, but to humanity at large. Issues about sex and relationships are in the forefront, due to Astrid’s role as a unicorn hunter being dependant on her virginity, but the narrative avoids being preachy in any way. I was impressed that Peterfreund was able to intertwine real teen issues with her fantastic story.

Rampant was a really quick read because I couldn’t put it down. The Italian setting sets this book apart with its beautiful descriptions of museums and iconic landmarks. It also gave the book a link to Roman history, which was thoroughly researched and sometimes embellished upon implementing art, legends, and historical events. The ancient background contrasts with the modern setting and forces the unicorn slayers to try to find a balance between their destinies determined by fate and their modern right of free will.

Rampant is a surprisingly good novel that I would recommend to fans of fantasy and books with strong female characters. Its unflinching look at harsh realities and violence mixed with fantasy sets it apart from other YA fantasy novels. I can’t wait to read the sequel, Ascendant.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins

** Even though this is an excellent addition to the young adult fantasy genre,I still maintain that zombies are indeed better than unicorns. I will have many more zombie reviews to come, so never fear, Team Zombie! **

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

PSA: Killer Unicorns

So you think unicorns are pretty, dainty little creatures that love people? Well, you're completely wrong. In the books Rampant and Ascendant by Diana Peterfreund, unicorns have a horn and fangs that secrete a deadly poison. Oh, and there is no cure for it known to man. Only someone with a death wish would want to cuddle these creatures. They are also essentially immortal because they can only be killed by a female virgin descendant of Alexander the Great. That's a pretty small amount of people that can actually eradicate this unicorn menace. There are 5 types of unicorns, so they come in all different shapes and sizes, so don't let your guard down! On the National Unicorn Control Agency's website, they provide a guide on what to do when you see a unicorn:

STEP ONE

1) Run!

2) Still alive? Great! Now, run faster.

3) I guess you can run pretty fast. After all, you've survived long enough to check out this website.

4) You're sure it's still not around, right? Stay low and away from windows.

STEP TWO

1) Now it's time to figure out what kind of unicorn you saw.

2) And maybe call the police.

3) Or Gordian Pharmaceuticals Corp. They are always looking for a new unicorn.

4) You're positive it's not around still, right? Listen for growling. Maybe throw a steak into the yard and see what happens.

STEP THREE

1) To be perfectly honest, you shouldn't have survived that.

2) The survival rate of a unicorn sighting is in the low teens.

3) Are you sure you're not a unicorn hunter?

If you are still skeptical, here's a PSA by Gordian Pharmaceuticals, an organization dedicated to finding a cure to unicorn venom.

So those of you who are Team Unicorn because they are cute or "good" or cuddly or secrete rainbows and glitter, keep these unicorns in mind and really think if you want to be on their side.

** Ascendant comes out September 28th!! Pre-order it here! **

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

My Take on the Unicorn vs. Zombie Debate

There has been a Unicorn vs. Zombie fight between Sharon Loves Cats and Books (Team Zombie yay!) and Good Books and Good Wine (Team Unicorn...). I think it's pretty obvious what side I'm on. On Good Books and Good Wine, Mariah from A Reader's Adventure wrote a guest post about why Unicorns are more awesome. I respectfully disagree and I want to explain why. This started out as a comment and them became way too long.

Original post:

1) "[Unicorns] are unpredictable, they may pretend to love you and then go in for the kill, or they may just go through you. Or they might even not try to kill you at all."

My response:

Zombies, although the ravenous man-eating ones will ALWAYS bite you, are unpredictable to some people. If it is a loved one that has turned zombie, they seem to always hope that it's all ok and they can get close to it and perhaps hug it. Wrong. They get bitten or are eaten. Look at the new zombie film Survival of the Dead. Janet O'Flynn gazed at her twin sister who was a zombie and thought she saw a lucidity and intelligence there. She got too close and she was savagely bitten. It happens a lot in zombie movies for some odd reason.

Another way zombies are unpredictable is in their speed. There are the slow shuffley zombies that can barely move and there are the super fast ones from the remake of the Dawn of the Dead. Although I have some reservations about the fast zombies, they still exist. I know if I ever faced a zombie I would pray that it was slow so I could outrun it easily.

Original post:

2) "There is much more diversity in unicorn books. In some they are horrible killers, and in others they are sweet helpful creatures. Zombies are for the most part evil."

My response:

There is an incredible range of diversity in the zombie genre. There are the ravenous eating machine zombies of World War Z by Max Brooks, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith, Dance of the Dead, Dead Snow, Soulless by Christopher Golden, etc. Then there are a whole slew of other types of zombies. In Stacey Jay's You Are So Undead to Me, normal zombies are just dead people who want something in their lives resolved before they lay to rest. They do not eat people and are able to speak. In Fido, zombies have been domesticated to be servants and take up very easy jobs. In Breathers by S.G. Browne, zombies are really no different from humans except that they decompose. In Grace, the only indication that the baby isn't normal is it's appetite for human flesh. Other than that, it's looks like a very healthy, normal human baby. In the game Plants Vs. Zombies, there are an incredible number of different types of zombies: fast dance zombies, miner zombies, floating balloon zombies, fast football zombies, very scary gargantuan zombies, and so on. Plus they are different in that they eat plants, but I'm sure they do that just to get to your house and eat your brains.

The I have only seen three different types of unicorns: the very stupid, beautiful ones that are attracted to virgins featured in Mercedes Lackey's series Tales of the 500 Kingdoms, the killer zombies of Rampant by Diana Peterfreund, and the robot unicorns of Robot Unicorn Attack from Adult Swim.

Original post:

3) "Rampant by Diana Peterfreund is a unicorn book and it rocks!"

My response:

I haven't read this book, but it seems pretty cool. I would have thought it would have been ammo for Team Zombie. Unicorns are portrayed in movies such as Legend and The Last Unicorn as cute, cuddly creatures that need to be saved. This book is about killer unicorns. I don't know if I'd rather be killed by a zombie or a unicorn, but zombies seem more obvious. I don't really understand if the killer unicorns in the book are just evil or are just savage wild animals. I guess I'll just have to read it to find out.

Original post:

4) "Unicorns are better looking by a long shot. I mean ripped clothing and pieces of flesh was so last year. Zombie lovers would you even ever like to see a zombie? I mean gross."

My response:

I guess you have a point there. Zombies do look pretty gross.

Original Post:

5) "Unicorns can symbolize so many different things like eternal life ect. but zombies only represent death and destruction."

My response:

This is the one I disagree with the most. Zombies can represent so much more than death and destruction (although they are pretty good at that). In Carrie Ryan's The Forest of Hands and Teeth, zombies represent the constraints of the oppressive society the characters live in. In George A. Romero's films, they represent consumerism and people's sheep mentality. He is also critical as to the policies and politics of the US. In E. Van Lowe's Never Slow Dance with a Zombie, zombies represent the overwhelming power of peer pressure and the movement against teens being true to themselves that teens have to fight against. In Grace, the zombie baby represents the lengths that mothers will go to in order to protect and nurture their children. I could go on and on, but zombies represent so much more than death and destruction.

Original post:

6) "Zombies are so overdone. There are so many zombie books that it is hard to find a new idea."

My response:

It may be true that there are a great many zombie books at the moment, but authors are not to be underestimated. I have read so many different types of zombie books that there are rarely two that are alike. There are the Regency era, Jane Austen mashups, zombie comedies, zombie romances, regular horror zombies, zombie self help books, etc. I think my other responses also indicate that there are a lot of different types of zombies that represent different things.

Original post:

7) "Unicorns are just plain better."

My response:

No. Just no.