Robot Unicorn Attack

When I think of [adult swim], I think of their TV shows like Robot Chicken or Family Guy. But on their website, they have bunches of super awesome flash games, like the various version of 5 Minutes to Kill Yourself and Robot Unicorn Attack. Robot Unicorn Attack is one of the weirdest games I've encountered on the web. It features a robot unicorn that you have to guide over treacherous terrain of purple topped cliffs using only 2 buttons. The Z button is used to jump or double jump to stop from falling off of a cliff and reaching the higher cliff that comes next. The X button is used to dash through star shaped boulders so you aren't smashed into a million pieces against it. The game is continuous and goes until you eventually die. Each time you play, you get three chances to go as far as possible and collect as many points as you can. Points can be earned by catching the robotic fairies that float around, dashing through the star shaped boulders, and going the furthest distance. You can't see the where the next boulder, dip, or hill is going to be, so you fingers have to be fast or you will die a fiery horrible death.

The purple landscape and the clouds and rainbows in the sky give the game a bubblegummy, sugary sweet feel, as expected with anything involving unicorns. A rainbow even forms from the tail of the unicorn when it jumps from cliff to cliff. When you do really well and catch all the fairies and blast through all the boulders, robotic dolphins will start to leap from the bottom of the screen and follow you as you go. As you keep up the good work, more and more dolphins will join in. The game is so addictive and fun, but I really can't say why. It could be the song "Always" by Erasure plays on a loop while you try to survive. This song is serious perfect for the feel of the game. I seriously thought it was made as a mock late 80's fantasy song from a movie like The Last Unicorn. I was shocked to find out it's an actual song. Here's the cheesetastic video:

I think the real reason why I like this game is because no matter how good you are or how far you get in the game, the robot unicorn always dies and this screen will be the inevitable end.

That's why this game is decisively Team Zombie.

My rating: 8/10 fishmuffins

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

Unicorns as Food

Unicorns are essentially just goats or horses with a horn on its head. Both of these animals can be used as both a food source and a means to make other things (such as gelatin, glue, etc.). Why would someone think that an animal so low on the food chain is awesome and more powerful than a zombie? Humans may have started low on the food chain, but we have surpassed pretty much all animals with the use of technology and superior intelligence. Even animals with no natural predators are preyed upon by us. But zombies surpass humans in every way. They are tireless, vigilant, and absolutely unstoppable. And seriously, who would want to eat a zombie? They smell horrible and are WAY past their expiration date. Here is the food chain as it stands including zombies. (Note that unicorns are included in the animal section.)

The fine print reads:

"A food chain is a way of depicting the flow of energy from one organism to the next and to the next and so on. The specific diagram presented here shows the biomass transfer from the lowest tier of the chain (flora) to the highest (evil reanimated corpses from beyond the grave).

There was once a time when Man stood proudly at the top of the food chain. That time has passed. Now, fuelled by a black and terrible desire for brains, Zombiekind has consolidated its power and cemented its supremacy.

Surely, this is a bleak time for humanity. Our days are numbered. Fortunately, they are also charted and graphically presented for ease of reference."

Canned Unicorn Meat has also been made more readily available by ThinkGeek. The website features a fabulous recipe for Savory Unicorn and Heirloom Tomato Bruchetta. Mmmmm! Unicorn reportedly tastes like rotisserie chicken with a hint of marshmallow sweetness.

And lastly, pop singer Lady Gaga was immortalized in a painting partaking in unicorn meat.

And she features her love for zombies in this awesome song. Team Zombie FTW!!!

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

** The Lady Gaga painting was created by Rose Briccetti. **

Rampant

Astrid Llewelyn grew up being afraid of unicorns because of her crazy mother’s rantings of venomous, fanged, and violent unicorns that existed in real life. As a teenager, Astrid dismisses her mother’s stories as just a weird obsession and tries to lead a normal life. Her normal life comes crashing down when a small unicorn gores her boyfriend, Brandt. Unicorns are re-emerging everywhere and attacking innocent bystanders. Astrid’s whole life is taken away and she has to live up to her heritage as a unicorn hunter. Her mother sends her to Italy to train and hone her skills to have a better chance against the new wave of unicorns. Astrid has no choice but to go, since she’s a minor, but she doesn’t know if she wants to do this with her life or even if the unicorns should be forced into extinction. Can she even afford to think about these things when she and a handful of inexperienced girls are being constantly attacked by deadly unicorns?

When I first heard about a book about killer unicorns, I literally laughed out loud. It just seemed really silly and cheesy to me. Based on the summary on the flap, it looked like my initial description wasn’t too off the mark because it seemed that Astrid was an empty-headed valley girl who cared more about going to the prom than about her boyfriend who was just seriously injured by a wild animal. Needless to say, I wasn’t expecting much when I started Rampant. I was completely wrong and these things are really the only things I didn’t like about the book, none of which is about the actual story. Rampant turned out to be one of the best young adult novels I’ve read all year.

Diana Peterfreund is an excellent writer, choosing a strange, but undeniably unique premise and immersing the reader in her world. Astrid is a compelling character who transitions from normal teenager to strong, confident warrior throughout the course of the novel. Although her unicorn killing abilities border on mythical, her problems beyond unicorns are ones that many teenagers face. She is forced to pursue a path as a unicorn slayer only because her mother wants her to and, as a teenager, she really has no say in the matter. At first, Astrid frantically looks for ways to get out of it, just as any person would, but eventually comes accept that there are a limited number of people that can combat against these dangerous unicorns. To abandon the other hunters would be dangerous not only to them, but to humanity at large. Issues about sex and relationships are in the forefront, due to Astrid’s role as a unicorn hunter being dependant on her virginity, but the narrative avoids being preachy in any way. I was impressed that Peterfreund was able to intertwine real teen issues with her fantastic story.

Rampant was a really quick read because I couldn’t put it down. The Italian setting sets this book apart with its beautiful descriptions of museums and iconic landmarks. It also gave the book a link to Roman history, which was thoroughly researched and sometimes embellished upon implementing art, legends, and historical events. The ancient background contrasts with the modern setting and forces the unicorn slayers to try to find a balance between their destinies determined by fate and their modern right of free will.

Rampant is a surprisingly good novel that I would recommend to fans of fantasy and books with strong female characters. Its unflinching look at harsh realities and violence mixed with fantasy sets it apart from other YA fantasy novels. I can’t wait to read the sequel, Ascendant.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins

** Even though this is an excellent addition to the young adult fantasy genre,I still maintain that zombies are indeed better than unicorns. I will have many more zombie reviews to come, so never fear, Team Zombie! **

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

My Take on Zombies vs. Unicorns Part II

I want to respond to the Team Unicorn captain's response to my PSA about Killer Unicorns. As with the last one, my response started out as a comment and just grew until I had to make a post about it. Here is Misty's original response:

"Good for warning those who think they are cute and cuddly and all, but you just did a great deal in educating all the naysayers who *insist* that unicorns are nothing but glitter and rainbows. If you're choosing the Team Z side simply because you think unicorns are for p*ssies, think again!!!"

Many of the people who have declared themselves Team Unicorn seem to have done so because they are cute, cuddly, and good. I wanted to educate them on the dark side of unicorns. For those people that think unicorns are totally dangerous and badass, I would like to point out a few things for them. In Diana Peterfreund's novel Rampant (the ONLY series featuring killer unicorns), unicorns re-emerge after hundreds of years after they were thought to be extinct. However, it's barely noticed by people. When zombies rise up, it's a full blown apocalypse with the complete breakdown of society and government, leaving people to fend for themselves. During a unicorn re-emergence, a couple of people die, but it's attributed to animal attacks and life goes on as normal. There are an extremely limited number of unicorns, so their impact on humans is minimal at best.
This new image of ferocious unicorns also makes them seem schizophrenic and confused. When they are good, they are super sugar sweet and you get cavities just looking at them. When they're evil, they aren't very successful. Zombies, for the most part in zombie stories, are of the flesh eating variety and are widely known for their determination and dedication to eating human flesh. Why choose the lesser evil? Zombies are the greater and more competent destructive force.Bottom line: Unicorns are confused and inept. Zombies will eat their faces.

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

PSA: Killer Unicorns

So you think unicorns are pretty, dainty little creatures that love people? Well, you're completely wrong. In the books Rampant and Ascendant by Diana Peterfreund, unicorns have a horn and fangs that secrete a deadly poison. Oh, and there is no cure for it known to man. Only someone with a death wish would want to cuddle these creatures. They are also essentially immortal because they can only be killed by a female virgin descendant of Alexander the Great. That's a pretty small amount of people that can actually eradicate this unicorn menace. There are 5 types of unicorns, so they come in all different shapes and sizes, so don't let your guard down! On the National Unicorn Control Agency's website, they provide a guide on what to do when you see a unicorn:

STEP ONE

1) Run!

2) Still alive? Great! Now, run faster.

3) I guess you can run pretty fast. After all, you've survived long enough to check out this website.

4) You're sure it's still not around, right? Stay low and away from windows.

STEP TWO

1) Now it's time to figure out what kind of unicorn you saw.

2) And maybe call the police.

3) Or Gordian Pharmaceuticals Corp. They are always looking for a new unicorn.

4) You're positive it's not around still, right? Listen for growling. Maybe throw a steak into the yard and see what happens.

STEP THREE

1) To be perfectly honest, you shouldn't have survived that.

2) The survival rate of a unicorn sighting is in the low teens.

3) Are you sure you're not a unicorn hunter?

If you are still skeptical, here's a PSA by Gordian Pharmaceuticals, an organization dedicated to finding a cure to unicorn venom.

So those of you who are Team Unicorn because they are cute or "good" or cuddly or secrete rainbows and glitter, keep these unicorns in mind and really think if you want to be on their side.

** Ascendant comes out September 28th!! Pre-order it here! **

** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

September Zombies!!!

September Zombies starts tomorrow!!! It's a month of all the brain-eating, shambling, rotting goodness you could ever want. Keep an eye on my blog, as well as Misty at the Book Rat, Velvet at vvb32 Reads (the grand master and organizer of this event), Cecelia at the Epic Rat, and Lexie at Poisoned Reality all month long!

The first week, starting tomorrow, will kick off Zombies vs. Unicorns week. Choose a side! Do you like horses with horns on their heads (...) or the walking dead (WOOO!)? I am the captain of Team Zombie, so I will be posting about the awesomeness that is the zombie. To slake your thirst for the bloodbath between these two supernatural creatures, you can reread my response to a Unicorn enthusiast.

Get ready for zombies!!!