Thursday, September 2, 2010

PSA: Killer Unicorns

So you think unicorns are pretty, dainty little creatures that love people? Well, you're completely wrong. In the books Rampant and Ascendant by Diana Peterfreund, unicorns have a horn and fangs that secrete a deadly poison. Oh, and there is no cure for it known to man. Only someone with a death wish would want to cuddle these creatures. They are also essentially immortal because they can only be killed by a female virgin descendant of Alexander the Great. That's a pretty small amount of people that can actually eradicate this unicorn menace. There are 5 types of unicorns, so they come in all different shapes and sizes, so don't let your guard down! On the National Unicorn Control Agency's website, they provide a guide on what to do when you see a unicorn:

STEP ONE
1) Run!
2) Still alive? Great! Now, run faster.
3) I guess you can run pretty fast. After all, you've survived long enough to check out this website.
4) You're sure it's still not around, right? Stay low and away from windows.

STEP TWO
1) Now it's time to figure out what kind of unicorn you saw.
2) And maybe call the police.
3) Or Gordian Pharmaceuticals Corp. They are always looking for a new unicorn.
4) You're positive it's not around still, right? Listen for growling. Maybe throw a steak into the yard and see what happens.

STEP THREE
1) To be perfectly honest, you shouldn't have survived that.
2) The survival rate of a unicorn sighting is in the low teens.
3) Are you sure you're not a unicorn hunter?

If you are still skeptical, here's a PSA by Gordian Pharmaceuticals, an organization dedicated to finding a cure to unicorn venom.


So those of you who are Team Unicorn because they are cute or "good" or cuddly or secrete rainbows and glitter, keep these unicorns in mind and really think if you want to be on their side.

** Ascendant comes out September 28th!! Pre-order it here! **
** This post is for Velvet's September Zombies. **

5 comments:

Giada M said...

Great post! I have to read those books soon! They have been in my wishlist for a while. >_<

vvb32 reads said...

these uns are scary - eeeeek. the kind of unicorns i should read up on.

Lexie said...

Thank you! Unicorns are mighty scary (even if you don't go by the Killer Unicorns of Diana's, you ever see how prejudiced and elitist those things can be?) and people should be aware of the dangers!

Misty said...

Good for warning those who think they are cute and cuddly and all, but you just did a great deal in educating all the naysayers who *insist* that unicorns are nothing but glitter and rainbows. If you're choosing the Team Z side simply because you think unicorns are for p*ssies, think again!!!

Sullivan McPig said...

Well, they're still unicorns and therefor not as cool as zombies no matter how vicious they are, but I might give these books a try if I do happen to run across them and there are no zombie alternatives.