Holiday Horror: Tales From the Crypt's And All Through the House 1972 vs 1989

Today, I'm comparing the original depiction of Tales from the Crypt's And All Through the House in the 1972 film to the more modern version from the second episode of the TV series in 1989. Both stories depict a woman murdering her husband on the night before Christmas and trying to cover it up, but an unexpected threat comes from an insane man dressed as Santa Claus.

* 1972



I love a lot about this short film. Everything is subtle and well crafted. The film doesn't have to narrate that the old man loves his family, but instead has an establishing shot of this man lovingly putting presents under the tree. The first indication that something is wrong is an amazing shot of blood splashing on the newpaper the older man is reading when he is killed. The woman, portrayed by Joan Collins, calmly goes straight for the safe to check his life insurance, showing that her main motivation is money. The chilling aspect of this part lies in the happy child upstairs waiting for Santa, unaware of the carnage downstairs, and the peaceful choral Christmas music that contrast with the violence.

Much of the film has no dialogue because the woman is trying to clean up the murder while her daughter sleeps upstairs. So much of Joan Collins' performance is in her eyes and her facial expressions. When the psychotic Santa reveals himself, she reaches for the phone and you know by her glance at the body and her defeated facial expression that she knows she can't call the police until she cleans up. She works tirelessly cleaning up the blood, dragging her husbands body to the basement, and planting blood to make it seems like he fell. In addition to this, she has to secure the house by locking all the doors and latching all the windows before Santa comes inside. As she works, her face becomes drenched with sweat and she's visibly drained.

Unfortunately, all her hard work is for nothing because her innocent daughter let Santa in the house after she's been waiting for him all night. Overall, this film has everything I want in a Christmas horror film: murder, suspense, good performances, and a concise story told in just over 12 minutes. The only downsides are the dated decor and not very scary Santa. This classic Tales from the Crypt story combines elements of wholesome Christmas traditions with murder and mayhem and ending with the evil being punished.

My rating: 4.5/5


* 1989



As with all Tales from the Crypt episodes, the Crypt Keeper appears with his morbid puns and cheery personality to introduce the story. This creature dressed as Santa in a Santa mask with his eyes and teeth showing through is the stuff of nightmares and much scarier than the actual episode. He recites the beginning of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas to lead into the story.

This house is much more homey and welcoming than the house in the original segment. Nat King Cole sings the Christmas Song while we see their beautiful decorations, cookies set out for Santa, large Christmas tree, and presents under it. Instead of a loving father, this father is alive long enough to scorn the ending of Dickens' A Christmas Carol before he is comically murdered by his wife. While the original is subtle and serious, this version is practically a parody. Everything is explicitly stated and over the top. The poker gets stuck in his head and cartoonish sounds accompany her attempts to free it. She immediately calls her sleazy boyfriend and says she did it and they have the money.

The only moment of real tension is when the girl comes downstairs to see what's happening and the dad's corpse is sitting conveniently hiding his head wound. Will the body fall when the girl can see? The mom doesn't even seem to care that the child sees her dead father (who has the silliest expression every and ruines the scene) and takes her up to bed. Unlike Joan Collins, this woman talks to herself constantly while trying to clean up the murder, take the body outside, and dump it in the conveniently placed well that I hope no one uses. The body comes back alive after having a plastic bag over its head for an extremely long time and attacks her. It's so nonsensical and unnecessary. While she's doing all this, she missed the announcement about the escaped mental patient dressed as Santa, but she sees him instead.

The psychotic Santa looks much more imposing and acts more dangerously. However, the woman makes the most stupid decisions on the face of the planet. Just a few include not making sure he's dead after axing him, stopping and investigating every time she's hears a noise (AFTER she knows the killer Santa out there) and getting trapped in the closet. In the closet, she completely freezes and sees him going up a ladder just outside the closet window. Why does a closet even have a window? Anyway, instead of getting the gun and shooting hiim through the window, she just watches him mouth agape and screams. Do something! I had some respect for Joan Collins because she acted so intelligently, but I couldn't wait for this woman to die.

The ending is exactly the same even though they try to fool you by thinking he will enter the window left open upstairs. Overall, this version is way too silly and cartoonish and doesn't add anything to the story by almost doubling the length of the original. I didn't feel scared through any of it and the only moment of suspense was ruined.

My rating: 1.5/5

The verdict:

The original 1972 version keeps the suspense and horror of the situation despite its dated trappings. The more modern one feels more familiar and has a creepier Santa, but its tone is way too comedic and obvious.

Holiday Horror: Black Christmas (1974)

Christmas break is coming up at a university and a certain sorority house has an unwelcome visitor. The young women are busy with their Christmas parties and packing up to visit family. Their festivities are interrupted by the disappearance of one of the sorority sisters named Clare and numerous anonymous obscene phone calls. The women try to go to the police, but no one listens to them. When a young girl is found murdered near the school, the police finally take them seriously and consider that the events are all related. Is it too late to save the rest of the sorority sisters?

Black Christmas is credited as the first American slasher film, a full four years before Halloween that is usually seen as the first. Black Christmas has many aspects in common with slasher films, but some with a different spin than usual like the victims, the killer, and the resolution. The group of women being stalked are older than the usual high school students. These women are more self assured, more intelligent, and much less naive. The stereotypical final girl is virginal, sweet, and does almost nothing wrong. Clare would be the final girl in any other slasher with her virginal innocence, but she's the first to die. The other women can be quite crass, sexually active, and unapologetic about their decisions, which is a refreshing change from the usual ditzy high schoolers. They all are genuine friends which is shown in quiet moments of caring between the women. It was nice to see women I could cheer for instead of ones I cheered the slasher for murdering.

My two favorite characters are Barbara and Jess. Barbara, portrayed by Margot Kidder, has a spiky exterior. She tells things like it is and isn't afraid to clap back at people with sarcasm or cruelty. I love her interaction with the dismissive police officer that offered some much needed comic relief. Her life is much more painful than she lets on, shown in a phone conversation where her mother doesn't want to spend the holidays with her. Barbara is flawed, but strong. Jess is just as strong with a lot more tact. She takes care of her friends but also stands firm in the face of oppostion. She recently found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend Peter and already firmly decided to have an abortion. When her boyfriend goes from incredulous to angry, her decision stands firm because she has her own hopes and dreams that she doesn't want to give up no matter how many times her pleads or threatens. Even now, this portrayal of Jess's unapologetic decision to abort is a rarity that should be seen much more often after 40 years. Both women are flawed but strong individuals that I hoped would survive the film.

The men in the film treat the sorority sisters with disdain and dismissiveness. Peter is the worse offender as he tries to pressure Jess into keeping her baby and marrying him. His behavior is disgusting and abusive. He threatens her, insults her, pleads with her, and then decides they should get married. He tells her he is leaving the conservatory and they will get married. No asking, just telling. This occurs after he destroys a beautiful piano belonging to the school. The police are slightly better, but that's not saying much. They don't take a missing girl or obscene phone calls seriously even though it might be tied to another local girl missing. The only decent man in the film is Lt. Kenneth Fuller who sees the connection between all the suspicious events and calls on Jess to help catch the killer.

The killer in this film is interesting. He is never seen clearly. An eye is shown through a crack in the door, his shadow and hands are seen, and his voice is heard. Most of his action are shown through a first person camera from his perspective, allowing us to see through his eyes. He's a disturbing figure for a number of reasons. Not only is he a murderer, but the way he rocks and sings to Clare's body is incredibly disturbing. His ravings and different voices (possibly suggesting multiple personalities) are chilling to listen to as he shouts, squeals, tantrums, and sings. He stays inside the house right from the first scene of the film and the girls have no idea. He stores bodies in the attic and they are never discovered despite not bothering to hide them. There's no logical reason for him to be targeting these women like in other slashers. It's a completely random series of crimes that could happen to anyone which conceptually is more frightening than the reasons for other slashers.

While Halloween stays firm on the top of my list of favorite films, Black Christmas proves itself to be a hidden gem that goes largely unrecognized for its merits. I find it interesting that even before conventions were in place for this genre, this film went in the opposite direction. The main characters are older, more established women. The killer isn't an iconic figure, but someone hidden and raving. The ending is incredibly bleak that makes this film all the more chilling. My only issues with the film are some bad decisions made by Jess and the police that were uncharacteristic near the end and the lackluster music. Black Christmas will definitely be in my rotation of yearly Christmas films because of the incredible characters, insanely scary villain, and unexpected ending.

My rating: 4.5/5 fishmuffins

Holiday Horror 2016

Merry Christmas, Krampusnacht, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Saturnalia, or whatever celebration you observe! Here on Fishmuffins of Doom, this is the start of the Twelve Days of Holiday Horror. Follow me on a journey of wonder to films that merge the wonderful aspects of this season like snow, Santa, and family with murder, mayhem, and gore. If you'd like to see any specific film covered, please leave a comment below and I will try to cover it either this year or next year. Other than that, enjoy my Twelve Days of Holiday Horror.

Horror Movie Mini-Reviews: They're Watching and Phantasm

* They're Watching

A show very much like House Hunters International follows a couple choosing a house to buy in a rural part of Moldova. It seems odd at the outset for a couple of reasons. First, the couple is an odd pair. Becky is always happy and sees the silver lining in everything. She has simple tastes and loves creating pottery. Her boyfriend Goran is a famous soccer player and always angry or moody. He looks like a typical rich douche with his sunglasses, leather jackets, and monochromatic clothes. They barely interact and don't seem to share a lot of interests. The next strange thing is the house they decide to buy which is basically in ruins. If you've ever seen House Hunters, this part is hilarious because of how bad this house is. The interior hasn't been seen in about a hundred years and looks more like it should be demolished than renovated. The exterior is just as rough, but Becky is delighted at the possibilities.

The TV crew returns to the couple and their house six months later, expecting nothing to have been done. The crew consists of newbie Sarah, practically interchangeable Alex and Greg, and finally their abusive boss Kate. The only interesting character in the whole film is Vladimir, the realtor. He acts as the bridge to the locals and gets them out of a lot of trouble. Even though they are awful, trample on local customs, and anger the locals, he's there for them every step of the way with his friendly personality and affable nature. Sarah constantly talks over footage they try to film even though she went to film school. They find Becky has shockingly turned her ruin into a cozy home, but other things mar their filming. The local people seem more and more menacing as time goes on, eventually surrounding the house and destroying their vehicle. The ending had some definite flaws, but its unpredictable nature and humor makes me overlook the bad. It's definitely worth your time and fun spin on the found footage genre through the lens of a reality show.

My rating: 3.5/5

* Phantasm

After his parents' died, Jody takes care of his little brother Mike in a small Oregon town that is reeling from a rash of unexplained deaths. Mike suspects that the local moritician he dubs the Tall Man has something to do with these murders. This film is about two young men trying to make sense of death. In this story, death is a mortician alien who steals bodies to turn into servants for another world. These two boys along with another friend are the only people aware of this threat and work together to stop him. The Tall Man portrayed by Angus Scrimm is a memorable character. The tools he uses and the way he operates are unique to this series of films like the dangerous silver spheres. I didn't expect this film to be about aliens at all, but it's integrated well into solid horror territory. I can see why many people love this film.

While I enjoyed the film, Phantasm is much more relatable for men and boys. Women in the film are not fleshed out characters and feel completely separate from the three main characters. Beautiful women are objects of lust or damsels in distress to be saved for the main characters. The femme fatale minion of the Tall Man (who I think is really him in another form) is a flat villain who barely speaks and uses her body to kill men. A fortune teller's granddaughter (who doesn't even have a name!!!) acts as Mike's supernatural aide and tells him "don't fear," which carries him throughout the film. This is truly a film for men where women are treated as wholly different and outside of their world. Phantasm has interesting concepts and a memorable villain, but the isolated view of the film puts me off.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

Horror Movie Mini-Reviews: Beyond the Gates and Sun Choke

* Beyond the Gates

Estranged brothers Gordon and John reunite to pack up their father's store after his disappearance. The reunion is awkward and they don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. They really couldn't be more different as Gordon is a straight laced business man and John is a slob always in between jobs. They find a VCR board game called Beyond the Gates and it has much higher stakes than they expected.

Beyond the Gates is a love letter to VHS horror and it's a fun film to watch. The game operates like a horror version of Jumanji where their tasks in the game have very real (and often extremely and delightfully gory) consequences. Gordon, his girlfriend Margot, and John have to finish the game to save Gordon and John's father's soul or have their own souls trapped within the game for eternity. They have to find four keys to travel beyond the gates and then return safely. Barbara Crampton is equal parts creepy and magnetic as the host of the show Evelyn who eerily follows their movements from the TV and responds only when they've done what she has asked of them. Everything she says has gravitas, but is over the top as well like any good horror host.

Gordon and John get to know each other better through the course of this game despite traumatic events. Gordon's back story is particularly interesting because he's decided to tamp down all his flaws and appear perfect because of his own shortcomings. It comes out that he hurt Margot when he was drunk and then he decided to become the uptight, repressed person we see at the beginning of the film. I found his character the most interesting because of his need to appear perfect. John was incredibly annoying and was just a slacker with horrible friends. Their journey through the game was nostalgic and fun, but not without legitimate danger. Overall, Beyond the Gates is a fun throwback film.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

* Sun Choke

Something is wrong with Janie. She is under constant surveillance by her caretaker Irma and barraged by a constant stream of psychological tests, yoga, pills, and calm but firm directions. When Janie can leave the house, she stalks Savannah, a beautiful woman. Sun Choke is an interesting film that doesn't give a lot of firm answers. At first, it's unclear why Janie, as an adult, is being imprisoned and controlled so harshly. Over the course of the film, Janie exhibits obsessive traits and seizure-like symptoms. On one hand, I felt for her because of Irma's oppressive craziness, but she shows some pretty serious signs that would justify her being imprisoned.

Sarah Hagan's performance as Janie is amazing. Despite some of her behavior, she stays a sympathetic character for most of the film. She seems to be just as in the dark as the audience. Irmia implies the cycle of behavior we see in the film from obediant and child-like to violent and rebellious has happened before, who knows how many times. Barbara Crampton is equally magnetic as manipulative Irma. She seems to be caring and calm, but her streak of cruelty runs deep. Janie has no privacy and follows a rigid routine every day, whether she likes it or not. Many of her methods, espcially when Janie misbehaves, are torturous and painful. I don't need everything spelled out for me, but I have a ton of questions about this whole situation that will never be answer. Janie and Irma's relationship is the most interesting thing about the film, but the story gets distracted by a subplot.

During Janie's rebellious actions, she becomes obsessed with a woman named Savannah, following her everywhere, entering her home, and wanting to be her. While it supports the first plot because Janie wants more independence and apparently would rather be someone else, this plot takes over too much by the end. While the ending is tense, it borders more on torture porn than the psychological film it was leading up to it. Sun Choke is an interesting film, but the ending doesn't match the rest of the film. I'm more interested in character studies of Janie and Irma as well as the toxic nature of their relationship.

My rating: 2/5 fishmuffins

Horror Podcast: The Last Podcast on the Left and Killer POV

* The Last Podcast on the Left

I've heard a huge amount of good things about The Last Podcast on the Left from a lot of people whose opinion I trust. Ben Kissel, Henry Zebrowski, and Marcus Parks discuss the real and imagined horrors of life with their own comedic flair. I listened to the first 4 episodes of the podcast that include serial killers, cults, demonology in film, and introducing themselves. They have interesting, rambling discussions about the topics and are knowledgeable about a surprising number of things. My favorite of the discussions is when one of the hosts discusses his experience watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre in rural Texas near the city where these fictional murders take place. He has a healthy fear of hitchhikers in the first place and the film starts out with a creepy hitchhiker. His account of watching it in pitch darkness, all by himself, in the middle of nowhere is awesome.

The reason I didn't continue the podcast after 4 episodes is their type of humor. I love dark jokes and even sick jokes about death, but their humor borders and ventures into misogyny quite a bit. One of the first jokes of the entire show has one of the men referring to his girlfriend as a hole. During the serial killer episode, vulvas in a box were a huge point of humor for them. It rubs me the wrong way and seems to be a bit of a staple with this group. It's not a bad show, but it just isn't for me. Many people enjoy the show, but the bro-y energy of the show puts me off.

My rating: 2.5/5

* Killer POV

Rebekah McKendry, Rob G, and Elric Kane discuss horror films and interview guests. I loved the first episode where each of the hosts introduces themselves and talks about their taste in horror films in addition to how they got into the genre. I had only heard of Rebekah as she was a writer for Fangoria and a current writer for Blumhouse, but it was cool to hear more from her. I enhoyed getting to know the hosts and their backgrounds. The second episode has the hosts interviewing actors who play Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees making their own film. I wasn't super interested in it and I wanted to skip it, but the podcast is focused on interviewing people in the horror genre about their work and about other films. I'm not into interviews being a big part of a podcast. I'm more interested in the discussion between the hosts about films or analyzing films. Another one that wasn't bad, but not for me.

My rating: 3/5

Horror Movie Mini-Reviews: 31 and Perfect Host

* 31

A group of carnies is kidnapped and forced to fight for their lives for 12 hours on Halloween for the amusement of deranged people. 31 is a typical Rob Zombie movie with all of his favorite things: extreme violence, his wife Sheri Moon Zombie, gratuitous nudity, 70's era sleaze, and completely unlikeable characters all around. The violence doesn't really bother me as it's always a part of his movies, but it's everything else that makes the film a chore to watch. Sheri Moon Zombie does a better job here than in Lords of Salem because her performance doesn't completely depend on the success of the film. I liked her character for a little bit when she decided to emphatically fight back and kill in order to survive, but she could have been replaced with a mannequin in the end. It's a disappointing end for a promising character.

Zombie seems to love the 70's and especially the worst, most despicable white trash characters. I didn't like any of the characters at all. Even the carnies are just terrible despite the fact that the audience needs to be emotionally invested in them for the film to be effective. They are the worst bunch of sleazy, crude, misogynistic low-lifes. The most interesting villains are Doom Head, Father Napoleon, Sister Dragon, and Sister Serpent. Doom Head is a killer hired to murder those in the 31 game. He has the best dialogue in the entire film and his soliloquies, deranged expressions, and unpredictable demeanor make him even more memorable. Father Napoleon and the two Sisters intrigue me because we don't see any of what they do outside of this demented event. Plus I always like Malcolm MacDowell. The other "Head" characters are paper thin caricatures of villains, just as disposable and Zombie's worst attempt at shock value. Overall, 31 has a couple of interesting moments, but the concept and constant violence get old fast.

My rating: 1.5/5

* Perfect Host

John Taylor robs a bank and struggles to find a safe haven when his face is plastered all over the news. He finds a rich man named Warwick who lives alone, weasels his way into the house with lies and then stays with aggression. Warwick is so much more than John expected as the tables turn. John is drugged and tied up, forced to be part of Warwick's imaginary world of parties and murder.

Perfect Host is a completely unexpected movie. It has elements of horror but also of pitch black comedy and whimsy. David Hyde Pierce as Warwick is simply amazing. He lives in his own fantasy world where he is the life of the party with countless friends when in reality, he's just home alone. His favorite friends that include Roman, Chelsea, Rupert, and Monica are all different people in his mind that speak to him and give him advice. It's kind of like a very disturbing version of Heart and Souls. We get a glimpse of him in his life outside and his demeanor and even his way of speaking is completely different than when he's in his fantasy world. The entire dinner and after party scenes are filled with tension. Unpredictable Warwick could engage in polite conversation or drug him or bet him or anything in between.

John Taylor knows he's in way over his head when Warwick introduces his friends and shows John his murder dinner scrapbook. Based on this information, I had a firm idea of where the film would go, but time after time I was proven wrong. John is our entryway into Warwick's world and he fades into the background over time. He was the main character, but Warwick was infinitely more interesting. John robs a bank to help someone he loves, but this storyline has been seen time and time again. He couldn't even keep up the facade of knowing one of Warwick's friends up for very long because of his temper and his lack of commitment. No wonder his heist didn't work. His story line is the most boring, but Warwick definitely makes up for it. The ending leaves the story open for a sequel that I hope happens because it will be infinitely more sinister. I would only watch if David Hyde Pearce returned, obviously.

My rating: 4.5/5 fishmuffins