Internet Awesomeness: Halloween Edition

Wonderful Halloween themed videos from the internet!

1) Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf by Rob Cantor



I've posted about this song before, but it's never been seen like this. The song is performed by Rob Cantor backed by a band, a full orchestra, a choir, and even a troupe of dancers. It has a new ending and a surprise twist after the song is over. The song as always is hilarious, but even more so with all the added performers and gravitas.

2) Modern Monster Mash by Key of Awesome



Everyone knows the Monster Mash, but this parody song introduces modern monsters such as Leatherface, Jigsaw, Hannibal Lecter, and Michael Myers. Poor Frankenstein just isn't prepared for the amount of carnage they provide. It's hilarious and catchy.

3) IKEA Singapore Commercial - The Shining



This fun IKEA commercial captures the creepy atmosphere of Stanley Kubrik's The Shining perfectly.

4) GEICO Commercial - Horror film



Ah, the hapless victims of horror films and their wonderful decision making skills. I especially like the killer's eyeroll and "Let's hide behind the chainsaws!"

Halloween Watch-a-Thon Mini Reviews 4

1) Stage Fright (2014)

Stage Fright is a fun and cheesy horror musical. It starts out with a starlet singing in the debut of The Haunting of the Opera (ripoff of Phantom of the Opera with completely original songs). She is then murdered in her dressing room and the rest of the story follows her daughter Camilla and her dreams of stardom. When she lands the lead role in a revival of the same musical, people start dying. I found this film adorable. It's kind of like Glee and Sleepaway Camp mixed together. The killer sings metal style songs while the rest of the cast sing music theater. The songs are pretty good and the acting isn't too shabby. Once the performance for opening night starts, the movie seems to stand still. It just wasn't well done at that point and took a long time to get anywhere. Other than that, it's a delightful horror comedy. I can see how fans of musicals would be repelled by all the gore and horror fans might be repelled by the music. I love both, so I enjoyed this fun mashup.

My rating: 4/5 fishmuffins

2) Hell Baby (2013)

Hell Baby tells the story of a clueless couple who bought a decrepit haunted house by saving money on the house inspection. Vanessa is very pregnant with twins and it becomes clear that she's carrying a devil baby that puts them all in danger. This movie starts of great, successfully skewering the Rosemary's Baby-like movies and haunted house movies. Great moments include when Vanessa starts downing glass after glass of paint thinner and smoking like a chimney; Vanessa kills the obstetrician, forges a prescription for Valium, and then guilts her husband into not confirming it with the disemboweled doctor in the next room. There are great moments of horror-comedy, but it's overall too heavy on the comedy side. Some of the gags go on for way too long and many of them don't involve horror. I lost interest by the end, but I'm glad I watched it. You would enjoy it if you're looking for a sarcastic and very obvious parody movie slightly more elevated than Scary Movie, but not reaching the levels of Shaun of the Dead.

My rating: 2/5 fishmuffins

3) Lords of Salem (2012)

Heidi, a radio DJ, receives a record labeled as a gift from the Lords. After she plays it on the radio, she experiences horrific visions and loses time. The incidents gets worse as time goes on and strange occurrences follow her. Is she going crazy or is something real happening to her? The Lords of Salem is a very visually interesting film. The images are striking, disturbing, weird, and very memorable. The colors are dynamic and Zombie mixes beautiful religious imagery with blood, demons, and the like. Unfortunately, the movie is sparse on plot and character development. Not much really happens while these visions are happening. Sheri Moon Zombie is beautiful, but doesn't hold up being the focus of the entire film. It's definitely very Rob Zombie and influenced by the 70's. It kind of plays out like one long music video. I'm a bit ambivalent about it. I love the images, but I would like a little more story to go with it.

My rating: 2.5/5 fishmuffins

4) Pet Sematary (1989)

*spoilers * An Indian burial ground has magic and can raise the dead buried there. This family is insufferably stupid. First, their child almost gets run over in the very busy road right in front of their house. Even though it seems these parents literally can't keep attention on two children at once,  this incident is an honest mistake. Then that same child dies because they were inattentive in that very same road. You'd think they would maybe build a fence or keep a better eye on their children since big rigs speed down the road all the time, but you would be wrong. Then the father brings the cat back to life because teaching kids that cats never die is so much better than teaching them about death. The cat is psycho and violent. So bringing the dead child back in the same way seems like an awesome idea. The undead kid is also psycho and the father kills both of the undead creatures. But those were totally just mistakes, so let's try it on the wife too. Really????? This guy is quite possibly one of the most moronic people in horror movie history. The movie is well made and has some admittedly cool scenes (especially the achilles tendon scene!), but nothing makes up for that horrible line of logic.

My rating: 2/5 fishmuffins

Dear Daughter

Janie Jenkins was just released from prison after 10 years due to evidence tampering. She used to be like Paris Hilton: rich, frivolous, promiscuous, and spoiled, until her mother was murdered. After years of people accusing her, Janie isn't even sure if she didn't kill her mother. So she dons a disguise and sets out to investigate for herself. Her efforts lead her to a small town in South Dakota chock full of its own secrets. It seemed like her classy mother would never be caught dead there, but her connections go deeper than she ever thought possible. Janie races to find the truth, trying to outrun the bloodthirsty press, the residents intent on keeping secrets, and maybe a murderer,

I was instantly drawn into Dear Daughter's story because of Janie's perspective. From the first paragraph, Janie's personality shines through whether you like her or not. (I did.) She's bitingly sarcastic, manipulative, and sometimes cruel. She has changed a lot from her charmed socialite days where her only concerns were fashions, partying, who to manipulate, and how to get her face in the media. Janie is less sure of herself and more prone to examine every angle of a situation. Despite her years in prison and the psychological toll it had on her, her quick witted and sarcastic inner monologue isn't worse for the wear. Janie is brave, but also reckless and eager to throw herself into dangerous situations.

I loved the different media clips and such between the chapters: newspaper articles, text message conversations, or online posts. It added a dimension and reality to the story. The one thing that bothered me about it was no one came out in favor of her. Even the most guilty and brutal killers have die hard fans and supporters. The TMZ writer who called for vigilantism to make her pay or her crimes was crazy and added an urgency to the story. He would report on any of her whereabouts and encourage people to deliver justice.

While the story is interesting and the protagonist is unforgettable, the pace of the book is off and the ending is a let down. Once she gets to the small town, the plot slows down a lot while she gathers clues and follows leads. The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. The actual reveal of the killer was good, but everything else is trying to hard to be Gone Girl. I enjoyed most of it and I would read other books by Elizabeth Little.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

Halloween Watch-a-Thon Mini Reviews 3

1) See No Evil (2006)

See No Evil is a typical slasher flick with a preposterous premise: two groups of male and female convicts help renovate an old mansion for a weekend to lessen their time in jail. There are so many things wrong with that sentence, but I suspend my disbelief. The kills are uninspired and the characters are incredibly boring. Jacob Goodnight could be an interesting killer, but it's just done very poorly. The only remotely interesting things about him were his abusive upbringing by his psycho religious mom and the way he collects eyes. He also kills in the name of religion to punish sinners and all that. I wasn't expecting much and it didn't deliver much.

My rating: 2/5 fishmuffins

2) See No Evil 2 (2014)

Even though I hated the first one, the second was directed by the Soska twins, who I adore. I figured if anyone can breathe life into a lackluster franchise it's them. This one has a dead Jacob Goodnight come into a morgue and he somehow recovers and continues his reign of terror. I think there's only so much you can do with the subject matter. The actors are much better acted and portrayed, particularly Danielle Harris, Katharine Isabelle, and Michael Eklund (who is actually not a scary or deranged person for once). Jacob Goodnight has a cool new look and the movie is beautifully filmed. There's a slight unexpected twist at the end, but other than that, it's pretty predictable. Overall, it's much better than the first, but not anything spectacular either.

My rating: 3.5/5 fishmuffins

3) The Thompsons (2012)

The sequel to The Hamiltons follows the vampire family as they get into trouble and seek help from others of their kind. The first film is far superior, but the followup is fine. It's got a True Blood vibe with the excessive blood and some sex. The plot is interesting and expands upon the world outside just the family. We find there are at least 2 different types of vampires and one doesn't take kindly to the other. The family had no idea since their parents (now dead) told them nothing of vampire society. Some parts are very disturbing and unexpected, but others followed predictable tropes. It's a little disappointing considering the first film was very good. I enjoyed the film despite its flaws.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

4) Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)

The Cabin Fever series hasn't let me down yet. It always provides fairly unlikable characters that I don't mind dying, gore, and just fun horror. This one features a bachelor party looking for a deserted Caribbean island for fun, but instead find a lab full of a flesh eating disease gone rampant. In true Cabin Fever fashion, it provides disgusting sex scenes when one person doesn't realize the other is so sick. It's a nice throwback to one of the most memorable scenes in the first film. The ending of this was completely unexpected and gave a great twist to their regular formula. Everything that happened is explained in flashback scenes during the credits. It blew my mind and completely changed how I viewed one of the characters. Very enjoyable.

My rating: 3.5/5 fishmuffins

Knott's Scary Farm 2014

This is the second year in a row that I've been to Knott's Halloween Haunt and it was a mixed bag this year. I went with my sister and we got the Fright Lane passes that allow you to bypass the lines for the mazes and the Skeleton Key pass that allows access to an extra scare room at the beginning of some of the mazes.

The Good

* The Tooth Fairy



This was my favorite maze of the night. The concept is freaky and that drill whine throughout the maze gets to you. The actors were much better when I saw it. The child's room with the giant mout door is genius. The room with the mouths lining the walls was different than anything I've seen there. Everything passed the children's room was rusty and dirty looking and deliciously creepy. There were figures on the wall with wings made of their own flesh and bone. Before the room with the cage, one of the characters was screaming at us to turn back and save ourselves, but of course we went forward anyway. I felt like a typical horror movie character ignoring warnings and running towards danger. Good maze all around.

* Forevermore



This is a repeat from last year. A murderer kills people inspired by the works of Edgar Allen Poe. It was good last year and it's good this year. The image of the nurse chained to giant raven wings with a bird mask is very striking and one of the most memorable of the night. The bird masks are way better than last year and evoke more discomfort in the viewer because they are victims instead of attackers. The tableau right inside the psychiatric hospital was well done and more eerie with the blinding lights. I love the recitation of the tales based on them. The only ones lacking were the Cask of Amontillo and The Masque of the Red Death.

* Black Magic



Infinitely better than last year! The Skeleton Key room is much creepier with an actual Houdini actor. The room with the women's faces all over was really creepy and well done. There was even an actor with her face removed in the room with impressively realistic makeup. The mirror maze is disorienting. The giant rabbit was weird, but not horrible. So many better choices were made to make the maze much scarier than last year.

* Voodoo

This one is brand new and had the best Skeleton Key room. You are led into coffins for a spell to protect you from demons. It's a little freaky and not for the claustrophobic. The atmosphere captures the hot Louisiana weather and vibe. This maze is actually a little bit longer than the others because of the trip through the cemetery. Most of the maze is outside, which is different than the others. The waters are filled with the dead and crocodiles that were a subtle touch that you really had to look for. One of the best of the night.

The OK

* Pinnochio Unstrung



This is another repeat from last year. I think I might have missed it last year somehow. The Skeleton Key room tells how Pinnochio became a real boy, but it was taken all away by the Blue Fairy because he told a lie. Now, he wants to kill her and wear her skin to become real his own way. The concept is very cool, but the maze is OK. My favorite room was the one where we enter Monstro's mouth and walk with his skeleton above us. I liked the overall puppet and circus theme and the last room with the giant Pinnochio is impressive. Other than that, the scares were a bit lackluster and the characters underwhelming.

* Trick or Treat



This one is a little worse than last year. The gothic, classic horror mood was missing except for the very first room with all the jack o'lanterns lining the staircase. The only new part I liked was the devil coming out from under the bed. The last room and the ghosts wearing sheets were particularly disappointing.

* Witch's Keep



Much better than last year. The Calico Mine Ride is more infused with the witch's story. It's a much better integration than last year, but the ride itself is still kind of boring.

* Dominion of the Damned



A little worse than last year. The paintings I loved are still there. The final room was disappointing. The overall air of sophisticated, cultured vampires was maintained. The Skeleton Key room was interesting since I was made to feed Renfield's "plants." The best part was the walls made of human flesh. Not sure what it has to do with vampires unless it's just their kind of decor, but it looked amazing. Very Hellraiser.

The Bad

* The Boo-fet

My sister and I went to the Boo-fet buffet before the park because it came with early access to the park. The event was way, way overbooked. We didn't get to eat at our time, rendering the early access useless since we were still eating when the park opened. They wouldn't allow us to just get our passes and go into the park to eat there. The food was cold and disgusting after all the waiting. Characters are in the hall to harass you as you eat. I just want to eat my food. We won't be making that mistake again.

* Gunslinger's Grave



Again, these are just cowboy bandits. Nothing supernatural about them. It's just not scary at all. Cowboys do not incite fear and neither do saloon girls. I wish they would have kept the Apocalypse maze from last year instead of this uninspired garbage.

* The Hanging

The Hanging is an uninspired show that parodies everything pop culture over the last year. It's crass, crude, and just immature. The only part that made me laugh was the Do You Want to Have a Hanging song to the tune of Do You Want to Build a Snowman. Everything else was shoddily done, horrible costumes, and a bunch of fake blood.

* The overall quality and condition of the park

The quality of the mazes, actors, and makeup are far inferior to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. I still enjoyed the event, but I was never scared. I enjoyed the sets and storylines of the mazes, but the actors seemed annoying to me and not a part of the attraction. They favored screaming (sometimes right in my ear) and making loud noises which quickly loses effect and becomes bothersome.

The park is not well kept. No one was picking up trash and it piled up over the course of the night. Many of the attractions were shortstaffed. On Jaguar, the guests were seating themselves which was chaos and made the line infinitely longer than it should. Some mazes had multiple rooms with no actors in them when there should have been based on repeat visits or videos online. Smoking and vaping are unfortunately allowed everywhere in the park. So many people were smoking everywhere that I couldn't get away from it. The smell saturated my hair and clothing and it was just gross.

Every little thing costs extra money. To get the VIP experience at Universal, it costs $200, but includes front of the line passes for mazes and rides, the VIP lounge, the all you can eat buffet, 2 alcoholic drinks, valet parking, a special Terror Tram experience, and a tour guide for the Terror Tram and 3 mazes. The Skeleton Key and Fright Lane pass costs about $100. The horrible buffet is an extra $30; the front of the line passes for the rides costs an extra minimum $35; and the parking alone was $20. That makes Knott's cost almost the same as Universal with nothing near the same quality in general.

The overall experience is far inferior than practically any other theme park in my area, so I may not bother with Knott's anymore. Next year, my sister and I plan to try the Queen Mary Dark Harbor event instead.

I Hunt Killers

Jasper Dent or Jazz lives in the sleepy small town of Lobo's Nod and everybody knows him. It's not an egotistical observation. He is the son of a very prolific and infamous serial killer. His childhood was filled with crime scenes, murder victims, and the sick training of his father. Now, he works to go against his father's teachings and clings to things that are normal. Then a girl is found murdered in a field, extremely similar to his father's own first murder. And the bodies start piling up and of course people look to Jazz. Can he figure out who the real copycat murderer is and clear his name?

I love books about serial killers. I find their mentality morbidly fascinating and the books are usually delightfully twisted. I Hunt Killers looks into the nature vs. nurture debate on how serial killers are made the way they are. Jazz has obviously been nurtured practically to death to be a serial killer. His instincts are automatic to recognize people's weaknesses and he recognizes how to exploit them. He knows that he's attractive and uses it to his advantage when he can. His father has been in jail for quite some time, but people still see his father and the crimes when they see Jazz. He knows they fully expect him to be just like his father. However, he works against his own instincts. When he recognizes weakness, he doesn't always try to exploit it to the fullest and obviously hasn't killed anyone yet. He keeps close to his best friend Howie, a nerdy hemophiliac, and his no nonsense girlfriend Connie. They bring normalcy to his life and make sure he doesn't go down that serial killer path. He battles with his inner self constantly and it's a really fascinating read.

One of the best things about the book is that, like Rick Yancy's The Monstrumologist, it doesn't shy away from it's own subject matter: murder. Other YA novels tend to try to protect the reader because of the age group it's aimed at, but this one makes no effort to do so. The events are described in detail and Barry Lyga doesn't pull any punches. If you can't handle pretty gory accounts of horrific murders, turn back now. I appreciate that some YA books are super gory and graphic while others aren't, so people can choose for their comfort level. Despite the dark tone and subject matter, the book is actually very funny. Jazz's narrative is full of humor (mostly dark), making me laugh throughout the grisly plot.

I only had one problem with the book. His involvement with the police is a little unbelievable. At first, the police keep him out as they should because he's a high school student, but after the police get really desperate, they allow him to explore the crime scenes and involve him in the investigation. It's the only kind of meh part of a good book, so I overlooked it. I would definitely recommend this to teen and adult horror fans.

My rating: 4.5/5 fishmuffins

The Monstrumologist

Will Henry is an orphan. His parents died in service of Pellinore Warthrop, a monstrumologist who studies the monstrous and seeks to kill them. While Pellinore is certainly competent and passionate about the subject, he's rather self absorbed and cold, too wrapped up in himself and his subject of choice to recognize what a growing 12 year old boy needs. One day, a creature is brought to them by a grave robber that is alarming in it's implications of others. The anthropophagi hunts in packs and are never alone. Pellinore and Will take it upon themselves to hunt these creatures down before they destroy New Salem and overtake the world.

The Monstrumologist has been on my reading list for a while. I had heard it's good horror, but YA horror tends to be watered down and underwhelming. This one is the exact opposite of my expectations: grisly, gory, nauseating, suspenseful, and terrifying. The anthropophagi are the start of it. They are headless, sharklike creatures with no heads, their faces on their chests, and a maw full of thousands of razor sharp teeth. Humans are their prey and they hunger. They can grow up to 7 feet tall and are faster and stronger than any human. We are knocked off the top of the food chain by these creatures. These creatures are not only physically superior, but fairly intelligent as well. Everything about them is frightening and the descriptions make them seem all the more real. The action scenes with them are unforgettable and savage. These are a creature I have not yet seen in updated in literature. I remember reading accounts of them in The Adventures of John Mandeville, The Travels of Marco Polo, and Shakespeare's plays The Tempest and Othello. I like that images of them appear in a variety of texts during different time periods because with this concept, it's easy to imagine stories within each one.

The other thing that brings in the creep factor is regular people. The first instance is in an insane asylum. The level of neglect and downright torture is shocking and unfortunately based in reality. The conditions a patient was left in is sickening and one of the most disgusting things I've ever read. The other instance is Dr. Kearns, an associate of Pellinore's. Kearns is a monster hunter and will do absolutely anything to achieve his goal. He has no regard for human life and will gladly sacrifice anyone (save himself) to kill the monsters. His view of the world is explored and is predictably insane. He doesn't believe in morality, merely in what is necessary for the situation. On his off time, he is a particularly infamous figure in British history.

The characters are wonderful in their flawed natures, particularly Pellinore Winthrop and Will Henry. Pellinore has major daddy issues and laser focuses on his work. Even necessities like eating and sleeping go by the wayside when he's in full swing. He's a selfish man who views emotion as weakness, but he has good intentions underneath it all. He cares for Will Henry in his own way (and rarely shows it), but when the situation is dire, he does all he can to protect Will. Will is only 12 and has enormous responsibilities thrust upon him. He feels loyalty to Pellinore because his parents believed in him and worked with him. He is intelligent and has no illusions about Pellinore's true feelings about him. His weakness is curiosity and staying with this incompetent guardian despite all evidence pointing to how dangerous it is to live with him.

The prose of the novel is reminiscent of the late 1800's, but is slightly simplified to make it easier to read. The descriptions are quite vivid and lush, which can be off-putting for some weaker stomached readers. (I personally loved it.) The dark gothic atmosphere is maintained throughout and calls to mind other works of such literature. When I imagine the book, I see it in black and white with splashes of red. I rarely get such vivid images from a book, but it plays out like a film. Even though the writing is descriptive, the plots moves very well. Not at a rapid pace, but a slow and steady one. I couldn't put it down. I read the whole first half in one sitting and was hungry for more. I will definitely be picking up the rest of the series.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins