Shark Movie Mini-Reviews: Jaws 3-D (1983) and Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

* Jaws 3-D (1983)

While stalking water skiers, a great white shark gets into the gate leading to Sea World Orlando attractions. No one seems to notice except for the dolphins Sandy and Cindy. Dr. Kay Morgan (senior marine biologist) and Michael Brody (architect of attractions) work together and investigate the missing mechanic whose body never surfaced.

I thought I never saw this film, but watching it had me feeling so nostalgic and I remembered almost every scene. I used to watch it so many times as a kid on commercial TV with my siblings. Jaws 3D is one of the cheesiest movies and I love it so much. The character are shallow, the dialogue is awful, and their reactions are over the top. Kay and Michael are the only remotely likeable people in the entire film, but they're also a pretty cute couple. The park manager Calvin is only interested in profits and puts the animals in dangerous situations, ignoring Kay's valuable advice. I'm not exactly sure why Sea World would want their name on this especially when the officals of the company are so toxic. Phillip is another awful character who treats Kay like garbage and wants to kill a shark on life TV.

I am more on the shark's side this movie. 90% of the humans are awful and I don't really care if they die. The death of the baby shark is a truly sad, sobering moment in this campy film. It was put in a tank that was too shallow just to show it off to patrons without assessing its health or identifying its environmental needs. I don't blame the mother shark for wanting reveng. It then destroys parts of the underwater tunnels and crashes into the window to the underwater cafe in one of the best worst shark scenes ever. The shark attacks look incredibly awkward and more like people swim into its mouth on purpose than the shark trying to eat them. The 3D moments look pretty terrible, particularly the last scene of the film. Even though it has flaws galore, I love this movie in all its cheesy glory.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

* Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

The Brody family is back, but forever changed. Martin Brody died of a heart attack and his son Sean (also working as a police chief) was killed by a shark. Ellen grieves for her husband and son, clinging tight to her remaining family in Michael, his wife Carla, and their children. They convince her to go the Bahamas for the holidays, but Ellen can't shake the feeling that the ocean is dangerous and sharks will never leave them alone.

Jaws: The Revenge is the weakest in the series, but manages to have some interesting moments. Sean's death scene in the ocean being relentlessly attacked by a shark while the community performs Christmas carols. It's a chilling moment that illustrates how he is so close to help that is still unattainable. This is the best moment of the whole movie. From then on, it's all Ellen lecturing Michael, a marine biologist, to stay out of the ocean. I do like how the film focuses on Ellen and how going to the island prompts her to let go of the past a little bit. I hate how this film seems to stand alone. Last movie, Michael was an architect dating a marine biologist named Kay. Now, he is the marine biologist and his wife Carla (who looks EXACTLY like Kay) is an artist with almost no personality. I really hated this change.

The shark shows up everywhere and literally stalks the family wherever they go. It took 4 movies, but a shark finally got to eat one member of the Brody family and it's hungry for more. The action sequences are lackluster except when it attacks a helicopter. The mechanical shark is overused and looks fake. The ending so this movie seriously bored me. There are so many ridiculous things wrong about sharks (way more than usual) including having it swim over 1,000 miles in three days and roaring like a lion. I'm glad I watched it, but I don't see myself revisiting this film any time soon.

My rating: 1.5/5 fishmuffins

Jaws (1975)

It's Police Chief Brody's first summer on Amity Island when a young woman's remains wash up on the beach. The medical examiner identifies it as a shark attack and Brody is quick to mobilize his team to close the beach. The mayor puts a stop to it due to the city making the majority of its funds during the Fourth of July weekend, but Brody knows he's wrong and has no recourse to do anything until someone is attacked by the shark.

Jaws is the only good, serious shark movie. All of the other ones take the formula it created and riff of that with cheesy effects, campy tone, and bad acting. For Jaws, the acting, music, and writing all contribute to making it the classic it is and making it the first summer blockbuster. Roy Scheider as Brody is an everyman hero that many people can relate to. He's afraid of the water and new at his job. He's not particularly skilled or learned, but he wants to help people. The scene where the woman who lost her son to the shark yells at him and slaps him shows his true character. He knew he did his best and it wasn't his fault. However, he lets her say her piece and get her anger out because it's what she needed.

Hooper, on the other hand, is an abrasive marine biologist who doesn't care about the politics or social niceties when lives are in danger. Quint is really only in it for the money and the thrill of hunting the most dangerous shark he's ever faced. As rude and awful as he is, he's a lot of people's favorite because of his stories, his "doll's eyes" speech, and his insane furvor. The most deplorable character of all time is the mayor who time and time again keeps the beaches open because the local businesses would suffer. He represents everything wrong with the political right and only sees the error of his ways on the Fourth of July when people are attacked by the shark in front of the press.

The music represents the main characters and is responsible for all of the tension in the film. It's very apparent when the music is played live along with the film and I highly recommend the experience. The cheerful adventure theme represents the hodgepodge team of men trying to take down this shark with only one experienced man and blundering through it. The most famous theme (which is really only two notes over and over) is the shark. It's one of my favorites of all time. When it's heard, I frantically guess where the shark will appear. The music shows its drive to kill and get revenge. This along with the scarce views of the entire shark make this film incredibly suspenseful. If you haven't seen Jaws, you're in for a treat.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins

The Shallows

Nancy Adams is grieving for her mother who died after a long fight with cancer. She decides to go to the Mexican beach where her mother was at her happiest to surf and forget her troubles. They follow her anyway as her sister calls her wondering why she's basically run away and her father laments over her decision to drop out of med school. Nancy brushes them off, enjoying the sun and surfing the waves. The locals go home for the day, but she wants just one more wave. She stumbles upon a whale carcass and the shark that killed it. Trapped on a rock in the shallows of the sea, Nancy struggles to find the will to live and ways to outsmart this killer shark.

The Shallows has an interesting concept and a different visual style. The shark is a metaphor for Nancy's grief and likely depression. If she sits idle, she can't move forward in her life and lets the grief consume her. This film has more in common with movies like Gravity and The Babadook than Jaws. The idyllic setting contrasted well with the violence. Although a fairly minor point, I liked how the images on her phone screen and watch were displayed. It was clear and different than I've seen. The visual effects are pretty good. The shark in particular looked realistic and Nancy's physical deterioration and injuries were impressive. Unfortunately, this is about all the film has going for it.

The movie would have been better as a short. So much of the film is stagnant. The first bit of the film is filled with creepy, lingering shots of Blake Lively's body. The latter half of the film has her laying on a rock doing pretty nothing for way too long. The plot is very basic and is stretched thin to fill the length of a short feature length film. While the shark seems to be largely metaphorical, it would be nice if the shark attacks made sense. Nancy is pulled under by the shark, but only has a rather large gash on her leg to show for it. Others are bit in half by the massive shark's jaws, so her injury doesn't really make sense. The ending is overly saccharine and unsatisfying.

The Shallows could have been a fun thriller, but a lack of momentum, dull and static scenes, and unrealistic leaps in logic make it a fairly unenjoyable film. The theater experience was also awful as a bunch of bored eight year olds chatted loudly through the entire film. I was fooled by the hype and the generally positive reviews.

My rating: 2/5 fishmuffins