Saturday, July 18, 2015

Random Movie Mini-Reviews!

I've been watching a lot of movies lately, especially recent releases. Here goes!

1) San Andreas

The Rock abandons his post as a firefighter and goes on a quest to save his family. First of all, this is supremely horrible, What kind of firefighter just leaves his post when people obviously need him? Plus he committed a whole bunch of crimes on his "noble" quest to save his family. Typical disaster movie stuff happens that would never happen in real life: LA is destroyed, buildings collapse, and a giant tidal wave comes in. It cracks me up that when I went to Wondercon last year, the director bragged about having a seismologist on staff. Apparently they ignored every single thing they said because it wouldn't look cool in a movie. Someone almost dies. Tearjerky stuff happens. Impossible and improbable maneuvers actually work. Even the seismologists assistants are improbably attractive. It's a solid disaster movie that's about as badly written as all other disaster movies. It's entertaining if you don't think too much about it. The only thing that really bothered me was how they went out of their way to make the childless stepdad look like the hugest douche in the world.

My rating: 6/10 fishmuffins

2) Annabelle

Idyllic couple buys creepy doll then get attacked by creepy, suicidal cult member who dies. Then her creepy spirit possessed said creepy doll and terrorizes them. I really hated The Conjuring, but I thought maybe Annabelle would be better. It is slightly better, but considering how low of an opinion I have of the first film, that's not saying very much. Annabelle is mostly boring. It relies way too much on jump scares to fuel the suspense and it's not very effective. The only really cool part is completely ruined because the filmmakers weren't ballsy enough to actually have the woman's baby be harmed. Like The Conjuring, there is really no reason for this film to be rated R. Not a lot of violence, a little bit of blood, no adult language. At this point, I guess it's just a ploy for people to think this movie is scary when it really isn't. The creepiest thing is the appearance of the doll. I will not be subjecting myself to any more Conjuring films.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

3) Jurassic World

It's just like Jurassic Park, but with an engineered dinosaur wreaking havoc. Jurassic World is an enjoyable action movie with lots of dinosaurs, exciting chases, and Chris Pratt. The visual effects are pretty good, but the original film used more practical effects that still looked a little better than the majority of the new dinosaurs. The film is funny, suspenseful, and just plain summer fun. The only annoying part is the treatment of Claire, the busy, childless park director. She runs around the whole film in high heels and is the poster girl for the uptight business woman trope. Considering how the female characters have been treated in the past, this is disappointing. Her assistant also experiences the most horrific death in the film for pretty much no reason. Other than that, I got to watch hunky Chris Pratt whisper to raptors and fight a cool, brand new dinosaur. The ending is a little too deus ex machina, but still enjoyable. Another fun film that doesn't require too much brain power.

My rating: 8/10 fishmuffins

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