Holiday Horror: All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

All the Creatures Were Stirring is an anthology holiday horror film. The frame story has friends Max and Jenna seeing an avant garde, minimalist play on Christmas Eve. A title card for each segment is presented and a part of it is pantomimed after each one. Overall, the frame story is cute and a little weird. The ending of it (titled And To All a Good Night) seems unfinished, but is definitely creepy and unsettling.

* All the Stockings Were Hung

A corporate Christmas party with white elephant gifts goes horribly wrong. Someone decides to make it his personal Saw where the building is flooded with toxic gas and coworkers have to open presents that could be conventional presents, weapons, or something that exposes a secret. This segment ramps up really fast with the first surprising kill. People's behavior goes south real fast as this sick game continues. The corporate environment is captured well and a few kills are unexpected and well done. It's a fun short for sure, but the bad effects, tenuous logic in choices, and spotty acting held it back.

* Dash Away All

A man is last minute grocery shopping on Christmas Even when he locks his phone and keys in his car. The only people around are three women in a van, so he approaches them for help. This is my favorite segment by far because the concept and execution are the best. There's a little bit of Christmas in the family frustration and shopping aspect and a really interesting creature that is mostly kept hidden. It's hard to talk about this one with spoilers, but it's the most successful and fun of all the segments.

* All Through the House

A curmudgeonly man, who hates his neighbors and their gaudy Christmas decorations, decides to stay home and watch TV on Christmas. It's essentially a modern, short take on A Christmas Carol with a coke-snorting jerk instead of a greedy old man. This segment is pretty forgettable for the most part because it doesn't really do anything to the formula of the story. The rest comes off as silly and weird without much of a payoff.

* Arose Such a Clatter

A distracted driver hits a reindeer and bashes its head in to put it out of its misery, but something witnesses the accident and follows him home. The concept is fun and one of my favorites, but the reality disappoints. It's revealed quickly that the reindeer is Blitzen, so Rudolph watches and seeks revenge. This could have been so fun, but Rudolph is never shown. We only see his red tinted point of view. The budget clearly wasn't there to fully flesh out the unique concept and the acting makes the characters seem like they aren't taking the threat seriously.

* In a Twinkling

Gabby and her friends have a surprise Christmas party at her boyfriend Steve's house. He always spends Christmas alone and they all will soon find out why. This segment would fit in well with The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits. There are automaton people who look like their friends, some unknowable beings, and a surprisingly sweet ending. This one has the best acting by far and it's a wonderful segment to end on.

Overall, All the Creatures Were Stirring has a lot of potential and good concepts, but the execution suffers at times. Most of the segments look very low budget and what visual effects looked shoddy. Many segments are supposedly to be dark comedies, but the execution made it fall flat for me. I had high expectations for this, especially with the inclusion of several talented indie horror actors. However, there's something missing in the writing and acting and the budget seemed to limit their ideas.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

Tales from a Talking Board edited by Ross E. Lockhart

Tales from a Talking Board compiles stories about various methods of divination and the occult. The introduction details the spiritualism movement, remarkable in both its popularity and lack of unifying text, belief, or rules. The talking board was used as a spiritualist tooll until it became a parlor game. It became creepy when The Exorcist used it as a vehicle for demonic possession. Lockhart also adds a personal touch with a hilarious story of a lying parochial school teacher trying to scare their class with the oujia board.

* Yesnogoodbye by Krist Demeester

Cassandra lives with her abusive father and her best friend is in love with her, but afraid to say anything. Together, the girls call something from the Ouija board with surprising results. This one dealt with everyday troubles like coming to terms with oneself, abuse, and the will to escape your situation as a helpless teen. The supernatural elements brought in power than teens wouldn't usually have. This story had disturbing elements, but had a bittersweet ending. I would love to read Demeester's full length books.

* Weegee, Weegee, Tell Me Do by Anya Martin

An abused wife named Orlaugh goes to vaudeville shows as a release and meets her idol Great Marie Cahill. Marie insists Orlaugh has talent to become a performer and offers her lessons. This story had the most realistic characters. Orlaugh wanted so much more than serving an abusive husband. Marie is aging and sees the end of her career, but she's riding it out as much as she can. Daisy, Orlaugh's best friend, can talk her way out of or into anything and wants the best for her friend. All of them felt like people I knew without being too detailed or wordy. The story is also surprisingly sweet despite the dark subject matter.

* Grief by Tiffany Scandal

A man and woman lose their son and seek out a way to speak to him again. This story was one of the most heartbreaking. Their son unexpectedly lost his battle with cancer. The events leading up to it are so sad. The mother knew something was wrong and kept checking in on him, but when she left for a short time, he died. The parents blamed each other and themselves, isolating each from the other. The depiction of grief feels real and they just want to see their son even one more time. This is a be careful what you wish for plot and the real emotion balanced with the dark supernatural element makes a satisfying short story.

* Deep Into the Skin by Matthew M. Bartlett

A tattoo artist is forced to tattoo a Oujia board on a young girl who was brought by clearly dangerous members of a cult. It's his best work, despite the coerced nature, and he figures the whole thing is over until he receives an invitation to the ritual to follow. This was my favorite story of the bunch. The main character uses his beard, tattoos, and scars as armor against a world that hurt him when he was a nerdy kid. He lives in a seedy town with corruption, black magic, and cults but always held himself apart from all that even though he isn't the most moral person. This event shatters that illusion and plunges him headfirst into that world. The ritual leads to a horrific scene of body horror and unexpected revenge. This story balanced horror and character development the best.

* Haruspicate or Scry by Orrin Gray

A woman has a professor that she forms a bond with and he becomes her father figure. She gets married where the professor gives her away. About the same time she gets pregnant, the professor dies. To honor his last wishes, she does some sort of seance or divination every week to see if he can communicate a line of text previously chosen. This story is well written and unexpected. What I especially liked was the portrayal of the woman. She never really wanted kids and chose to kept her pregnancy because of pressure from her husband and his family. The pregnancy made her miserable and the following birth did nothing to improve it. She doesn't feel much for her baby and struggles to do anything to care for it. I appreciate this portrayal especially since the media pushes this magical bonding that's supposed to make everything perfect. That doesn't happen for everyone and it's nice to see the other side of things that doesn't get acknowledged. The supernatural part sneaks up on you and is deeply unsettling.

While I loved these stories, other stories in the anthology seemed incomplete, like I missed a page. Others didn't feel scary or supernatural enough to merit being part of the collection. I highly recommend the above stories and I wouldn't read most of the other stories again.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

Tales from the Crypt (1972) Part 2

The morality horror continues!

* Wish You Were Here

Failed businessman Ralph Jason lost all his money and is steeped in debt. He freely admits to being ruthless in his rise to riches and makes no apologies for it as it built his empire. To avoid declaring bankruptcy, he and his wife Enid will be forced to sell off their treasured antiques and items collected from all over the world. His wife finds a Chinese figure that has an inscription (of course in English) that grants 3 wishes, so she wishes for lots of money. Of course it doesn't go well. The montage of Ralph driving to his solicitor's house followed by the death motorcyclist backed by a jaunty jazz score is surreal, out of place, and a bit silly.

I especially enjoyed the meta commentary of remembering the story of The Monkey's Paw and trying to avoid the pitfalls of the old couple in that story. However, her husband still dies and, when she wishes him back as he was right before the accident, he's still dead because he died of a heart attack. The creepiest and palest funeral workers deliver his body in another surreal scene. Her last wish is the worst. Even as she says to be careful, she wishes him alive forever, putting him in pain due to the embalming fluid. Enid is a terribly written character namely because her hysteria and grief cause her to nonsensically try to chop him up even though he can't die. She is also the source of every problem except their initial financial situation.

Although I'm not a fan of the terrible portrayal of Enid, the image of Ralph writhing in pain with his intenstines exposed and hand crawling around on its own shocked and frightened me as a child. It repelled me but I was fascinated at the same time. Although it's nostalgic for me, the story is not the best. We never see his evil deeds and it doesn't really feel like a deserves a fate worse than death. It has odd moments and it doesn't seem to all fit together organically. On a sidenote, I noticed the similarities to Wish Upon and I wonder if the writer watched this as well.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

* Blind Alleys

Major William Rogers takes over as superintendent at the Elmridge Home for the Blind, bringing his dog, his militarisitic attitude, and unwelcome changes. Those changes include turning off heating at night during the freezing winter and lowering the quality and amount of food for the elderly men. He has no sympathy for the freezing, starving men and doesn't even seem to view them as people, making snide comments that they have no reason to stay up as blind people. Rogers stays in his luxurious office warmed by his fireplace eating steak, wine, and a lush salad while the blind men eat tightly rationed slop and freeze. Nigel Patrick portrays him as no nonsense, dismissive, and unaware of uncaring of his deep hypocrisy.

George Carter is the representative for the blind men who tries to reason with Major Rogers that the cuts to their care is harmful. He is rejected time and time again. Rogers isn't above siccing his dog on George for his insolence, which was beyond the pale. Patrick Magee, who I recognized from A Clockwork Orange, is a delightful character actor who infuses George with righteous anger and a stony visage. He puts such venom in his voice when addressing the Major for the injustices. After a man dies due to the inhuman treatment, all of the blind men band together to take care of their problem, collecting meat to lure the dog away, capturing Major Rogers, constructing the means for their revenge, and keeping people from informing the authorities. The only thing they do that I don't agree with is starving the Major's dog. It isn't his fault his owner sucks.

The ending is another instance of poetic justice. The Major is reduced to begging for food and water for himself and his dog, which they refuse. The blind men constructed a covered corridor from his prison to the room where they kept his dog. The end of the corridor too narrow to walk through facing forward and lined with hundreds of razor blades. His walk through is suspenseful as he and we don't know what lies in store for him. The music heightens the tension as he inches along, trying not to cut himself on the wall. When the dog is released, his realization of his doom is accompanied with a zoom out from the corridor to show the narrow space and the gleaming razor blades. His fate isn't shown, but we can imagine it so much more gruesome than it could have been shown at the time. This is another of my favorite segments because the slow walk through the corridor and the sight of him flinching at each small cut from his walk past the razors makes the endings implications even more horrifying.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins

The ending of the frame story has the Crypt Keeper revealing that the stories aren't warnings, but events that have already happened. A door opens with a blinding light, but Carl goes through and falls to his fate. All of them are doomed to the literal fiery pit of Hell as unrepentent sinners. It ends with the Crypt Keeper breaking the fourth wall to warn the viewer against a similar fate. I love this film both as my gateway to the genre and as a suprisingly well made horror film.

My overall rating: 4/5 fishmuffins

Tales from the Crypt (1972) Part 1

I saw this film younger than I should have and it was one of my gateway movies to the horror genre. It still holds up even though its a little dated because it has the heart and soul of Tales from the Crypt with impressive performances. It starts with Bach's Toccata in D, an iconic horror choice, and pans over a beautiful cemetery. A group of people tour ancient catacombs. Their guide urges them to stay together as its a dangerous place, but 5 of them are delayed and get separated. They wander around until a door opens for them. The room is empty so they turn to leave when the door slams close. A man in monk's robes suddenly appears and tells their stories as if to warn them of the future. This Crypt Keeper has a scornful attitude towards his charges and a mysterious air.  

* ...And All Through the House

I love a lot about this segment. Everything is subtle and well crafted. The film doesn't have to narrate that the old man loves his family, but instead has an establishing shot of this man lovingly putting presents under the tree. The first indication that something is wrong is an amazing shot of blood splashing on the newpaper the older man is reading when he is killed. The woman, portrayed by Joan Collins, calmly goes straight for the safe to check his life insurance, showing that her main motivation is money. The chilling aspect of this part lies in the happy child upstairs waiting for Santa, unaware of the carnage downstairs, and the peaceful choral Christmas music that contrast with the violence.

Much of the film has no dialogue because the woman is trying to clean up the murder while her daughter sleeps upstairs. So much of Joan Collins' performance is in her eyes and her facial expressions. When the psychotic Santa reveals himself, she reaches for the phone and you know by her glance at the body and her defeated facial expression that she knows she can't call the police until she cleans up. She works tirelessly cleaning up the blood, dragging her husbands body to the basement, and planting blood to make it seems like he fell. In addition to this, she has to secure the house by locking all the doors and latching all the windows before Santa comes inside. As she works, her face becomes drenched with sweat and she's visibly drained.

Unfortunately, all her hard work is for nothing because her innocent daughter let Santa in the house after she's been waiting for him all night. Overall, this film has everything I want in a Christmas horror film: murder, suspense, good performances, and a concise story told in just over 12 minutes. The only downsides are the dated decor and not very scary Santa. This classic Tales from the Crypt story combines elements of wholesome Christmas traditions with murder and mayhem and ending with the evil being punished.

My rating: 4.5/5 fishmuffins

* Reflection of Death

Carl Maitland decides to run away with his beautiful girlfriend Susan and abandon his family with no word. It disgusts me that he wasn't even going to say good night to his daughter. He only felt obligated because his wife prompted him, but he was just going to pause in her room and leave until he found her awake already. It adds insult to injury when he knows he's not coming back. Ian Hendry does a great job making him as odious as he possibly can. Moving forward, Susan drives so he can sleep, but he has a disturbing dream that wakes him up screaming. Then a truck comes out of nowhere. Carl fights for control of the wheel and they crash. This is probably one of the cheesiest car crashes ever to grace the silver screen.

Carl awakens from the wreck and the rest of the segment is directly from his point of view. Each person he encounters him reacts as if they've seen a monster. A homeless man screams and runs. A motorist drives as fast as he can away. His own wife screams in terror and slams the door in his face, then seeks the solace of her new husband. The only person to treat him fairly normally is Susan, but she lost her sight in the accident that claimed his life. He glimpses his reflection in a table, shocked at his grey complexion and rotting skin. He awakens back in the car and the accident happens again. This story is the only one that has the feeling of purgatory because he's doomed to repeat both the pain and panic of the accident as well as the puzzling treatment and the horrific realization of what he has become. It's not the best segment, but it has its merits.

My rating: 3.5/5 fishmuffins

* Poetic Justice

Grimsdyke is a dustman who loves his dogs, refurbishing toys for local children, and the home he made with his late wife. His neighbors Edward and James Elliot hate him for driving the values of the surrounding houses down with his "hideous" house and judge him for his profession. James hatches a cruel plan to drive Grimsdyke out of their neighborhood by systematically taking away anything that makes him happy or contributes to his livelihood. Slimy James uses every bit of his extensive influence and privilege in addition to underhanded tactics to drive Grimsdyke away. Robin Phillips makes James incredibly smug and snobbish with extreme arrogance.

Peter Cushing has his most sympathetic and soft role here that he's almost unrecognizable. Doing small acts of kindness like making toys for children brings him such joy. He has modest needs, contributes to the neighborhood, and keeps to himself. He only wants to live in the place he was so happy with his wife. Throughout his day, he talks to his late wife and practices Spiritualism to communicate with her using his spirit board and automatic writing planchette. His shock and sorrow at each of James' cruel plans is shown with stark clarity all over his face. His attempts to brush them off and keep his cheerful mood makes his suicide even more sad. This is the most heartbreaking story because he's so kindhearted and undeserving of such treatment.

The ending is my absolute favorite. No one in Tales from the Crypt stories has ever deserved an ending like this more than James. The zombie makeup is pretty good for the time (except the eyes look wonky), especially in the wrinkled hands and creepy nails. This story is exactly what Tales from the Crypt is about: evil people being punished in satisfying ways.

My rating: 5/5 fishmuffins

To be continued!

Women in Horror: XX

 XX is a horror anthology directed exclusively by women with 4 short films plus a connecting short interspersed between them.

* The Box, directed by Jovanka Vuckovic and based on a short story by Jack Ketchum

Susan and her husband Robert have an idyllic life and wonderful children Danny and Jenny. Susan and her children ride the train home after a day of ice skating, hot chocolate, and licorice. They happen to sit next to a man with a shiny red present that piques Danny's curiosity and he asks about its content. The man shows him and he's never the same after that. Danny refuses to eat at all and goes days without eating. Slowly, the condition passes to Jenny and then Robert, until Susan is the only one unaffected in her starving family.

The Box is my favorite segment because of its tense and uneasy atmosphere. When Danny and the others get sick, they simply refuse food. No tantrums or any emotion, just a simple statement of "I'm not hungry." Susan is at a loss for what to do. After 5 days, they take Danny to the hospital. Both men in the short, the doctor and Robert, seem to blame Susan for the condition and make pointed comments. The doctor demands why they didn't come sooner and Robert silently blames Susan as if it was her sole decision to wait. Later, Robert doesn't understand how Susan can eat while her children starve. Susan doesn't have an explosive reaction like Robert does when he screams at his son to eat pizza. She's able to take care of herself and keep her emotions in check, but others see it as being emotionally cold and uncaring.

This story illustrates that no matter how hard you work to make your family safe, how perfect your home is, or how good of a parent you are, your family might still be in danger from outside forces. The thing in the box is never identified because it doesn't matter. This unknown object destroys her family anyway. Her anxieties about it go inward instead of outward, resulting in a horrific dream where her family eats her while she smiles. This shows that she would give anything to heal her family, even her life, but nothing helps. The Box is chilling in its content and its lack of firm answers.

My rating: 5/5

* The Birthday Party, written and directed by Annie Clark and co-written by Roxanne Benjamin

Mary is frantically getting ready for her daughter Lucy's birthday party, straightening things and making sure everything is just right. Carla, Lucy's nanny, notices that Mary's husband David came home, but Mary doesn't believe her until she finds his dead body in her study. Now Mary frantically tries to find a place to hide his body while hiding from Carla, Lucy, and random people who come to the house.

Melanie Lysnkey embodies Mary and her anxious need to make everything perfect. Mary is obviously very concerned with appearing perfect and having everything in order, but above all of that, she loves Lucy. Lucy's birthday party must be perfect because it would be incredibly traumatic for her to see her dead father on her birthday. Mary dodges everyone to cover up the body and comes up with the most ridiculous solution. I seriously laughed at length when watching it because of the surreal, darkly hilarious situation and exaggerated reactions of the characters. Behind the humor, Mary truly shows her love for Lucy and David. Appearances mean a lot to her, but she decides to hide the body rather than shower, dress, do her makeup, or further beautify the house. Lucy means more to her than her OCD tendencies or her neverending journey to perfection. She also puts aside her own feelings about the death to keep the day normal for her daughter. Mary is also truly horrified and distraught over her husband's death and even takes the time to give him a tender hug that shows how loving their relationship was. Despite all her efforts, the party doesn't go as she would have liked.

My rating: 4.5/5

* Don't Fall, written and directed by Roxanne Benjamin

Gretchen, her girlfriend Jess, her brother Paul, and her friend Jay go on a hike in a fairly unknown area. While rock climbing, they find ancient paintings on boulders where Gretchen gets stung by a bug or something. That night, Gretchen undergoes a monstrous transformation and brutally attacks her friends and loved ones.

This was my least favorite of the segments because it was the most straight forward and didn't feel like it fit in with the rest of them. However, it was an enjoyable creature feature with a wonderful transformation scene and moments of suspense and gore. One aspect of the horror is unknowingly disturbing ancient evil that will take its revenge. Another aspect is in the human side. Gretchen is often the butt of jokes because of her timid nature and fear of heights and bugs. The others view her as weak and they goodnaturedly (to them) tease her. The monster is symbolic of Gretchen tiring of the teasing and fighting back (of course in an overexaggerated way). Don't Fall is gory fun, but pales in comparison to the rest of the stories.

My rating: 3/5

* Her Only Living Son, written and directed by Karyn Kusama

Cora is a single mother raising her rebellious teenage son Andy in an odd way. They typically move frequently to avoid Andy's father and live their lives in peace. Andy's rebellious ways reach dangerous levels when he nails a squirrel to a wall, tears the fingernails off of a classmate, and comes home covered in blood. Then his father comes to collect him.

Cora through most of the story is a lot like the frazzled mother from The Babadook. She doesn't want to acknowledge that something is deeply wrong with her son or address his abhorrent behavior in any way. Her actions approve of her son's behavior as she covers up evidence and cleans up his gruesome messes. Cora is forced to confront what her son has done at school in a meeting with the principal. This scene is significant in a couple ways. Cora sees her son's violent acts completely for the first time instead of seeing the aftermath. She's understandably horrified. The reaction of the school is to praise Andy and label the attacked girl as overreacting. This moment on one hand shows that there's something deeper going on and on the other hand brings to mind real life moments of white boys getting little to no punishment for acts against girls due to privilege. The fact that the girl is a minority and female means that she's denounced as emotional and unreliable. The whole scene was shocking to watch.

This seems to be similar to the film The Omen, but with Damien all grown up. Followers that worship him start popping up randomly and are sometimes even people who they've known for years. Andy struggles with his inherent evil and his free will to do good. Previously, Cora had tried to protect Andy by withholding vital information from him and it affected him anyway. The ending has their boundaries finally going down and sharing with each other in a beautiful scene. It's a powerful segment about motherhood and the anxiety of raising someone monstrous despite every effort to do the opposite.

My rating: 4/5

The anthology is framed by a stop motion story directed by Sofia Coabout a walking house with doll part features seeking something to make a mechanical girl come to life. It's unnerving and beautiful at the same time and keeps with the overall theme of motherhood. The story is clear even though no words are uttered.

Overall rating: 4/5

Holiday Horror: Holidays

* Valentine's Day

Maxine, AKA Maxie Pad by horrible bullies, is an introverted girl in love with her swim coach. Said horrible bullies make her life hell by constantly mocking her and even pushing her off the high dive. Maxine gets the last laugh as she exacts her revenge. This segment is a strong beginning for the anthology. It's gorgeous with bright, 80's neon colors and striking imagery including over the top reactions and slow motion reactions. The plot and style bring to mind other horror films like Carrie and The Craft. Maxine barely says anything, but manages to be a very sympathetic character. The ringleader bully could not be more odious, especially when she seems totally oblivious to the mental and emotional torture she inflicts. The gym teacher is frustrating, especially watching as a teacher, when he allows this extreme bullying to go on. The ending is too abrupt, but it's gratifying and gory.

* St. Patrick's Day

In Ireland, a young teacher tries to connect with a contrary red headed child named Grainne. Grainne gives the teacher her deepest wish for a baby, but with a dark twist. The teacher is so ernest and sweet that I don't want anything bad to happen to her. When the type of baby is revealed, it's a bit heavy handed, especially after all the spiral imagery to come before it. I loved the development of the story and the ending. The teacher decides to carry her baby as it is to term despite everyone urging otherwise, which is important as she exercising her bodily autonomy. Although the baby looks ridiculous, she loves it as it is and an enjoyable film. Grainne was amazing because she never said a word, but had very intense looks and a creepy as hell smile.

* Easter

This segment addresses confusion with Jesus and the Easter bunny during Easter. A little girl asks her mother about it and receives a muddle response. Later that night, she catches a horrifying amalgam of these two figures in one: a bunny with a man's body, a crown of thorns, a gash in his side, and stigmata in his hands. The chilling ending brings up some questions about pushing faith onto children and the effects it might have on them. It's another wonderful performance by a child actor and a very creepy segment.

* Mother's Day

A woman terminated nearly 20 pregnancies and gets pregnant every time she has sex. Her doctor suggests she go to a fertility ceremony since modern medicine won't help. The woman decides to go and receives a chilly response since the rest of the women are struggling to conceive. The fertility group women kidnap her and force her to bring her pregnancy to term, keeping her docile with as much drugs as they can safely give her. The forced pregnancy is completely terrifying to me. The situation seems to be developing and then it ends abruptly and oddly. It has a lot in common with the St. Patrick's Day segment and seems odd to be in the same film.

* Father's Day

A young woman receives a tape from her dead father that leads her to find him again. She's elated that he's alive, but so angry at her mother for lying. The tape leads her to places she remembers from her childhood and even hears her younger self on the tape as her father walks the same route. This story keeps you guessing and builds tension right until the end. Unfortunately, the ending isn't as good as the build up and disappoints. Jocelin Donahue's emotional performance elevates the segment.

* Halloween

Shame on Kevin Smith. Halloween is such a cool holiday and it was wasted on this stupid and juvenile story. Cam girls are exploited by their director as he forces them to work on Halloween. The director really lays on the misogynistic comments thick. The women take revenge in a disgusting fashion that doesn't even make sense. The ending implies that they will continue on exploiting other cam girls, making this "empowering" story even more horrible and completely the opposite. I find it sad that his own daughter stars in the short. I will definitely examine future Kevin Smith films more closely if this is how he's going to write.

* Christmas

A pathetic father who waited until the last minute to buy the latest VR gadget for his son;s Christmas gift. The clerk gave the last item to another man, who has a heart attack just as he's getting into the car. Instead of helping the man get his dropped pills, he steals the gadget and goes home to his domineering, cold wife. The VR device shows the father more about himself and some shocking revelations about his wife. Seth Green is always awesome, but this character is such a spineless worm. The ending is very Tales from the Crypt, but is left open ended.

* New Year's Eve

On New Year's Eve, a serial killer finds a date and hopes this one will be different. His date is much more similar to him than he expected. The two major reveals were surprisingly gory. The serial killer is a little too over the top in comparison to his date, especially with his brown colored teeth. While this was kind of a weak one to end on, I enjoyed it.

After every segment, a beautiful card for each holiday is opened before the next one. It was a nice way to tie them all together. Overall, Holidays is pretty uneven and many of the segments had weak endings. Some had some interesting ideas, most notably Easter and Father's Day. I would recommend for a watch, but not enough for a repeated viewing.

My rating: 3/5 fishmuffins

Holiday Horror: A Christmas Horror Story

A Christmas Horror Story is an anthology film that has 4 interlocking stories all taking place on Christmas Eve. To tie all the stories together, Dangerous Dan, a drunken radio DJ played by William Shatner, reports from the Bailey Downs radio station on his annual double shift. Fun fact, Bailey Downs is the fictional rural Canadian city where Ginger and Brigitte Fitzgerald lived in one of my favorite horror films Ginger Snaps. Anyway, Dangerous Dan is irreverent and fun while he plays music, keeps the Christmas spirit with heavily spiked eggnog, and tries to figure out what happened to his weatherman. He and the town tie all the stories together so it feels cohesive.

The first story has three high school journalists breaking into their school to report on an unsolved murder that occurred the year before. Two students their age were ritualistically murdered in the school's basement and they want to report from there directly. At first, everything is going fine. They find some remnants of the crime scene like a biblical line written on the wall in blood washed away but still visible. After being trapped in this basement, a supernatural being makes itself known. This murder is connected to a girl's death in the past when the school was a convent. While this segment was atmospheric, the story wasn't as developed as the others.

The second story focuses on the family of a police officer who went on leave after investigating the modern murder from the previous segment. He takes his family to illegally cut down a tree from someone else's land. His son was lost for a few minutes, but he returns unharmed. When they return home, his demeanor is entirely different as he refuses to speak, sneaks around the house, and lashes out violently. The changeling concept is a cool one that isn't seen very much. The kid was extremely creepy and this segment had a lot of suspense and a few very uncomfortable scenes. I liked the balance of reality and fantasy. This segment is better than the first, but had a small flaw in some unreasonable reactions.

The third story involves a family that's lost the Christmas spirit. A man, his wife, and their two children (one who is friends with the teens in the first segment) travel a long way to meet their estranged and rich grandmother. The entire way, everyone bickers and snipes at each other. The reason for visiting isn't reconnecting with family like the father said, but to try to get money from her. After being stranded in the snow, they realize they are being stalked by Krampus, who is portrayed much differently here than usual. His skin is snow white and he has an extremely buff human torso with an animal-like face topped with horns. Krampus traditionally carries chains, but this one uses them to attack those he punishes. This segment was the most fun thanks to the wonderful practical effects of the creature and the memorable changes to the tradition folklore.

The last story has Santa fighting against zombified elves in the North Pole. This isn't the bowlful of jelly Santa, but more like wrestler or a very aged Thor. He uses his super strength and golden shepherd's crook (just like St. Nick) to decapitate and maim the elf zombies. Elves shouldn't be able to die at all, but they all suddenly become infected with this zombie disease. The concept seems to be Santa fighting against the death of the Christmas spirit at first which I thought is a cool and delightfully cheesy way to portray it. At first, I enjoyed the segment, but it doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the stories. The ending of this segment completely ties everything into a cohesive whole and solidified my love for the movie.

Each story has its own flavor, but feels like the direction and look are all the same even though it was made by 3 different directors. Not all of these stories are the best, but the film is overall fun to watch. The last story is my favorite by a long shot for its use of zombies and the hardhitting ending. I especially liked that the segments are cycled through many times instead of doing each segment individually to mix things up and move things along. I would definitely watch this every year along with the rest of my Christmas horror films.

My rating: 4/5 fishmuffins

Tales of Halloween

Tales of Halloween is a fun anthology film with 10 interlocking stories sure to get you in the Halloween spirit. A radio DJ speaks about the night in between each segment. Some characters and events even overlap, which is impressive considering each segment is made by a different director.

* Sweet Tooth

Mikey just came home from Halloween but is warned by his babysitter and her boyfriend to leave some candy for Sweet Tooth, a boy who went mad and killed his parents over the denial of Halloween candy. If none is left for him, he even eats the candy you've already eaten. This segment is delightfully gruesome and gives those who don't follow the rules their just desserts. Despite the gore, this is an adorable segment that calls to mind that fear of monsters under the bed and believing in urban legends. The ending displays pitch perfect dark humor that I love.

* The Night Billy Raised Hell

Billy is pressured to prank a reclusive neighbor only to be caught. That neighbor turns out to be the devil who decides to take revenge. More pranks follow in a montage that start out pretty harmless, but ends with pranks like stabbings, setting people on fire, and grand theft auto that have serious and dangerous consequences. The only thing that detracts from the segment is the cartoon sound effects that undermine the sinister events. Barry Bostwick makes this horror comedy segment. The twist ending made me wonder what happened afterwards.

* Trick

A group of adults have a Halloween party to drink, smoke pot, and hand out candy to children until one trick or treater dressed as a which stabs the man who answers. The survivors are under siege by other murderous costumed children no matter how they try to fight back or escape. This segment takes children we see every Halloween and makes them into a legitimate threat. Like the victims in the film, it took a while to ensure this wasn't some sort of nightmare and disbelief takes a while to overcome. I never saw the ending coming and then it all makes sense. This segment is one of the darkest in a sea of ones that chose camp and humor over horror.

* The Weak and the Wicked

A teenage boy confronts a group of bullies to avenge his parents' death with a creature he attempts to summon. This segment is most like Tales from the Crypt with its black and white morality and over the top evil people. The three bullies are the worst kind of people that torture everyone they come across with glee. At first, they seem like run of the mill jerks, but flashbacks show them to venture into unforgiveable territory. You just hope something horrible happens to them. The creature has a unique design with practical effects. The ending is incredibly satisfying.

* Grim Grinning Ghost

A group of friends meet for a Halloween costume party. The host of the party tells the story of a disfigured woman who became a ghost and giggles behind her victims, killing them only if they turn around. One woman experiences the worst luck of all time and finds herself walking home alone, trying to outrun this ghost. This segment captures the fear of Halloween where spirits walk the earth. You're not supposed to look behind you or you'll die, but not looking makes you almost compelled to look or suffering with paranoia that something is behind  you. Suspense is built steadily through the whole segment, but it's wasted on a final jump scare. I felt the ending was cheap and ruined the segment.

* Ding Dong

Jack and Bobbie are a couple who haven't been able to have a child. Last Halloween, she was in tears over the children coming to their house and emerged as a brightly colored fairy tale witch. After a year which looks like it was full of abuse for Jack, its Halloween again and Bobbie decides to embrace the holiday. She develops an odd Hansel and Gretel act where she is the child eating witch and long suffering Jack is Hansel to entertain trick or treaters that isn't successful the first or fiftieth time. When a child is lost, Jack intervenes and calls for help instead of letting his wife have the child.

The style of the witch is a little more cartoonish than I would usually expect from Lucky McKee, but the harsh reality is in the abusive relationship between Jack and Bobbie. Bobbie isn't a literal witch, but it's how Jack pictures her when she unleashes her rage on him. As a result, he fears for any child they might have together. I felt the serious aspects were overshadowed by the light atmosphere and humor, but I still felt this segment was one of the best and most unique.

* This Means War

A man who has worked on his Halloween display for decades embraces old school horror with talking skeletons, spider webs, and other rather tame decorations. His neighbors are younger and choose to decorate in a much more gory, modern horror style complete with deafening heavy metal music. The younger people's display is more popular and older man finally snaps, insulting his competition and attacking them. The clash between two eras was interesting and shows how the horror community acts towards each other at times. There's room for both on Halloween and the horror genre. The ending is the logical conclusion to fights like this.

* Friday the 31st

This segment plays out like a parody of a slasher film. A scantily clad girl dressed as Dorothy runs from a masked killer and goes through the slasher rigmarole: finding a shed to hide in but of course it's where the killer keeps his cache of bodies! The unmasked killer looks like Jason and Leatherface had a baby. A visitor arrives and messes up this whole formula. While it was entertaining, again it was so cartoonish. It also borrows heavily from the Evil Dead, so the twist wasn't as surprising as it could have been.

* The Ransom of Rusty Rex

A couple of guys decide to kidnap a millionaire's kid for ransom. When they call to set up terms, the father hangs up on them multiple times. Confused, they quickly find out why he isn't interested to have his son back. This segment had some unexpected moments and great comic timing. John Landis makes a surprise appearance as the millionaire, which was fun to see. This is another segment that reminds me of Tales from the Crypt as the kidnappers get more than they bargained for.

* Bad Seed

A man makes a an amazing jack o'lantern, only to have it turn around and bite his head off! The killer pumpkin goes out into the night to find more victims. Detective McNally is on the case as a caricature of every cop ever on TV or film. She finds the killer pumpkin, but it may not be the only one. The balance of humor and horror is better in this segment. The blood and gore flies as cops have the ridiculous task of finding a killer pumpkin on Halloween when they are everywhere. It brings back nostalgia of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes but with a Halloween flair. I loved the ending and the Joe Dante cameo. I would actually want to see this one as a full film if the cops were less over the top,

Overall, Tales of Halloween is an enjoyable and well made anthology that runs more funny than scary. I would have preferred a little more darkness and a little less cartoonish. The stories are surprisingly cohesive and clearly all belong in the same universe. It's no Trick 'r Treat, which I deem the best Halloween anthology every, but it's a fun watch all the same.

My rating: 3.5/5 fishmuffins

Horror Movie Mini-Reviews: The Strange World of Coffin Joe and The Witches

* The Strange World of Coffin Joe

This is a Portugese anthology film that is low budget and pushes boundaries. Despite being made the same year as Rosemary's Baby, they couldn't be more different. My big problem with the film wasn't the budget or the bad acting, but the fact the rape and sexual assault are an integral part of every segment.

The first segment is The Dollmaker and the best of the film. An aged doll maker and his young, beautiful daughters create the most realistic dolls due to grisly additions. Of course some men hear how rich he is, attack him, and view his beautiful daughters as a bonus. This story has the most in common with Tales from the Crypt with their way of punishing the wicked in a horrific way. I found the resolution the most chilling of all the stories.

The second segment Obsession features a homeless man in love with an unattainable, beautiful woman. She has her own idyllic life, but it's ruined on her wedding day. It's impressive that the story is told with very few lines of dialogue, like a grisly silent film. The homeless man is sympathetic through most of the film until the end.

The last segment is Theory where a deranged man wants to prove his insane sociological theories through torture. This was the worst of the segments because it went on for so long. It also seemed to be trying really hard to be disturbing. The ending was predictable and ridiculous

Overall, The Strange World of Coffin Joe is a film that I would never normally watch. While I didn't like most of it, I thought it was an interesting watch. I just wish the film wouldn't have relied so much on the graphic sexual abuse of women, which was the only common thread in every film.

* The Witches

A society of witches meets at the same hotel as a boy and his grandmother with a plot to get rid of all of the children in England and then the world. Anjelica Huston plays the Grand High Witch to perfection. In her human form, the Witch is beautiful and dressed in the height of fashion. Outside of her disguise, her features are grotesque and overexaggerated. The witches in this world absolutely hate children and even the scent of children disgusts them. The first half of the film has true suspense and a lot more horror than I expected. Once the boy is turned into a mouse, it gets a little too cheesy for me. The suspense left and comedy dominates instead. I'm glad I watched it, but only half of it was impressive. I wish I would have watched this when I was little.

My rating: 3.5.5 fishmuffins